Horoscopes, Humour

Distractions Issue Vol. VI

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The Funny Bits


Theme: Books

1: A type of realism in Life of Pi
6: Distinct from its surrounding be it water or tissue
11: One of Britain’s most prolific authors, you may know her as Catherine Marchant
14: DJ Casper’s slide
16: Department at a workplace in charge of all the money
17: Concealed
18: Audio track of low pitched sounds
19: Origin of 1918 pandemic
21: How you might pay for a book in Latvia
23: Poisonous evergreen native to western, central and southern Europe
24: Proposed by a vector, an alternative term to describe their gender identity
25: Japanese horror mangaka
26: What Dante and Dan Brown have in common
30: Most common word
31: How small business are selling goods these days
32: According to Steinbeck, east of here
35: UK publications aimed at education professionals
36: Camera product
37: Royal domain
39: Not standing
40: Let it
43: Ice Cube’s first name
44: What fans called One Tree Hill
45: Catch the 202 at Phillip and University
47: Quick name a three letter word
48: ellipse
49: Also row echelon form
52: Not old
53: Jeans
55: Rule to maintain Wikipedia pages
56: I hope you swipe right
59: 2000 Christopher Nolan film
62: Garden animal, plural
63: No you can’t
64: Surname of Sherlock Holmes author
65: Tiny tube to open a blocked passageway
1: Hero of Back to the Future
2: Eva of Leinster
3: Margaret Mitchell civil war novel
4: German lab equipment company
5: Folk rock supergroup prior to Neil Young’s entry
6: From “The Legend of Sleep Hollow”
7: A metallic shimmer
8: Member of Young Avengers: Iron
9: Early childhood development
10: English translation of the French classic
12: Governing body of cycling in Ontario
13: Opposite of always
15: Something absolutely despised by someone
20: Obsolete spelling of a place to stay for the night
22: In this rhyme, the piggy’s are actually
27: Singer known for her albums Saturn and For All We Know
28: If the shoe
29: Tesla CEO
31: Descriptive phrase of a person
33: Greek cupid
34: A bird’s home
38: Finnish hockey player, member of the Carolina Hurricanes
39: Fans of Castlevania have nicknamed this 1997 PlayStation game this
41: The Queen’s side of the nickel
42: Anthony Rivas
46: Covered in slippery substance
48: Author of “Island of the Blue Dolphins”
50: Settlers of this board game
51: Remarque’s novel “All Quiet on the Western ___”
54: Michie ___, Canadian rapper and actress
57: Glassblower from season 2 of blown away
58: inspired to do this after looking at Pinterest
60: Massena International Airport
61: The step before engineer

Photo Gallery

Photo credit to Ella Walsh


Aquarius (January 20 – February 19)

Love awaits at Route 401 exit 435, but you need to be quick or you’ll miss it.

Pisces (February 20 – March 20)

At some point this week, you will be hit with an overwhelming urge to watch the hit 2013 film Turbo, starring Ryan Reynolds in the role of the eponymous protagonist, a small snail with big dreams.

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Dream big. More specifically, dream of the boulder with a diameter of about 10 meters before it becomes a very immediate reality later this week.

Taurus (April 21 – May 20)

Nothing of note will happen to you this week, but you just WAIT until next week. You’re in for a hell of a ride, kid.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

This week, you will come to find that humans and spiders are really not all that different.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. So too, you will find, is the head that becomes fully encased in lead.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The powerful scroll that will come into your possession this week is written in Sumerian, not Latin. To think otherwise would be a costly mistake, so remember that.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Be wary of tennis balls this week. They’re not particularly dangerous or anything but like be wary anyways.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The stars are tired of doing all the work in this relationship and will only give you a prediction once you sacrifice a lamb like everyone else does, you selfish jerk.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)

You’re going to want to watch The Revenant and take some notes while you’re at it.

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21)

Keep your head held high, no matter how long it takes for someone to find you struggling in that river.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t meet your idols, especially if your idols are hungry sharks.




Editor – Ratan Varghese, Kirsten Ehlers

Writers – Kirsten Ehlers, Ella Walsh, Sam Suys



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