Hillary’s Best Week Ever

Gabrielle Klemt - 1B Geological
Posted on: July 16, 2016

Much has been happening to make Hillary Clinton happy lately. In case you’ve been living under a rock for a good two years now, you probably know that Hillary, who recently became the Democratic Party candidate for the 2016 election, has been in some hot water over things she did as the United States Secretary of State.

“How could a lovely old grandma like Clinton be in hot water over anything?” you ask, shocked. Although it does seem like the extent of hot water she deals with is for making tea, Clinton has been getting heat for her use of a private email server while serving as Secretary of State. (Just kidding, Clinton seems like the kind of grandma you’d be scared to give your report card to.) Also for the Benghazi thing but you didn’t seriously think we were getting into that did you?

It appears that using your own private email server when working in a public position is a rather fishy move because, as you might have guessed, all her emails were totally private – the digital version of burning your paper trail. Although it’s possible she just didn’t want anyone knowing about her subscription to Wait But Why, it’s also possible she was sending stuff via email that she shouldn’t have.

Luckily for our pal Hillary, possible future President, the head of the FBI said that they would not recommend bringing charges against Clinton for her “extremely careless” email behaviour. To think, all this time I thought extremely careless email behaviour encompassed deleting emails instead of archiving them! Glad to know even if my habits get worse, I won’t be charged! Apparently, you just can’t be charged for carelessness if you’re an official because it would set a really dangerous precedent, and they would need to start prosecuting a huge number of people in public positions! Should I be upset about this? Probably, but sadly it’s so common that it’s become common-place for people in positions of power to be more on the incompetent side.

Unfortunately, most of the States isn’t completely satisfied with Hillary’s absolution in this matter, and it seems fair considering they only don’t want to charge her because they’d have to start charging other people. A lot of other people. I say those people can probably afford it, but most people don’t listen to me.

In other Good For Hillary news, she got the thumbs up from her old campaign rival Bernie! He turned down supporting the Green Party candidate in favour of his old nemesis. Although the two stood on stage at a joint rally together to proclaim their friendship and unite forces against the Trumpinator (I’m not making up most of that sentence), they seemed as un-united as ever. Let’s just say that their faces were talking just as much as their mouths and it looked very uncomfortable. Ah well, perhaps time will make better friends of them. Let’s just hope that it’s sooner rather than later, Bernie is really no spring chicken! I’m kidding, if Stephen Hawking is going to live to see that teeny space probe launched to Alpha Centauri, Bernie is going to live to see Hillary as a close friend!