Martha Speaks

Martha Speaks Vol. 2

Photo Credits: Cathy Quan, 3A Life Physics

Hi Martha,

I’m a first year student who keeps getting lost on campus. Once the buildings start connecting together, sometimes I don’t realize it and have no idea where I am. Don’t even get me started on CPH and DWE; one time I went up a staircase in DWE and at the top, it said I was in CPH. What? I never left the building! And how are E5 and E7 different, exactly? It’s all the same building, at least as far as I can tell. The other day, I crossed the E5/E7 bridge trying to get to DC, but turned the wrong way in E3 and ended up going in circles until I found and deciphered a map on the wall. It’s so frustrating!

Luckily I haven’t gotten lost trying to find my classes, but only because I just walk outside so I don’t risk being late. I know that’s the easiest way and it’s fine for now, but I feel like I should learn more about the tunnels and connecting buildings for when winter comes. Any advice or tips on how to navigate them?

~ Lost Loonette

Dear Lost Loonette,

How practical of you to try and figure out the tunnels so early on! Depending on what area of campus you’re in, it can still confuse even the more experienced students. Unfortunately, I’m not completely sure of the difference between E5 and E7 either. Although, I do know where the building changes as you walk through it, which you can look for on the room signs. In terms of CPH and DWE, it sounds like you were trying to get to the third floor of DWE (Perhaps to attend an Iron Warrior meeting on Tuesday at 6pm in DWE 3520A?). You can avoid accidentally ending up in CPH by following the signs that say “DWE third floor” with arrows.

The only tip I can honestly offer you is this: look for maps. A map of the floor you’re on should be near most doors and stairways in every building. Just find the “You are Here” circle and find where you need to go. The tunnels are often included in these maps, at least in the ones I’ve seen. I’m sure an entire map of the campus tunnels exists somewhere on the Internet too, which might be able to help you figure out which buildings connect to each other.

When all else fails and you’re really stuck, find the nearest exit and walk the rest of the way outside. I know we all want to avoid this in the winter, but sometimes being cold for a few minutes is better than feeling completely disoriented in a random tunnel on campus.

I know getting lost can be discouraging, but you’ll be a pro before you know it!

Good luck,


Hey Martha,

I’m a first year who keeps getting attacked by the geese on campus. There’s geese where I’m from too, but these ones are on a whole other level. Strangely enough, though, I’ve never seen them attack anyone else the same way they come after me. I’m just trying to walk normally, but they seem to hate me. Any advice?

~ Sid the Science Kid

Dear Sid the Science Kid,

How to deal with the campus geese is a very popular question from first years, and it’s one that upper years have been trying to answer for as long as I can remember. I’ve collected a few tips in my time around the geese that might be of some help to you.

First, we have the obvious ones: avoid eating around them, and do not taunt them. If you do either of these things, you’re practically asking for them to attack you.

If you want to avoid them altogether – which is also a good strategy – try and limit the amount of time you spend walking outside, if you can. If you go this route, you’ll be learning the tunnels at the same time, so it’s a great way to kill two birds with one stone (Note: we are not literally killing any geese). An added bonus of this method is that you’ll also avoid the mountains of geese poop that are everywhere.

That being said, you won’t be able to always avoid them, so when you do see the geese hanging around, it’s important to show them no fear. Simply walk right by, pretending they aren’t there. This will threaten them as you’re asserting your dominance on the sidewalk. They will have no choice but to surrender and decide not to bother you.

Hopefully that helps. You can do it!



Have questions or need advice from Martha? Send your submissions to for a chance to get an answer from Martha in a future issue!

Leave a Reply