Mansplaining 101

“I’m more of an expert than you, and I’ll tell you why. I’m a guy, and I know how we think! More than you guys will ever know. … The bottom line is this, ladies: You would not care if all these guys were hot. They would be bolstering your self-esteem, bolstering your ego, there is nothing more that a woman likes to hear than how pretty she is.” These words of wisdom were uttered in 2014, by an all-knowing Steve Santagati on CNN. To give context, this was in response to a video about catcalling. Our friend Steve believes, with more conviction than necessary, that catcalling is okay if instigated by pretty men. Let’s collectively think about this for a second.
Ironically, Santagati, also wrote a book called Code of Honor… well, it was really called Code of Honor Women: The Ten Commandments That Define All Bad Girls. Oh, that’s why he thought he knows more about women than other women – he wrote a 140-page novel about the rules bad girls live by. Of course, he knows more about me then me. I should probably retract this whole article and start working on a formal apology letter to him instead.
But before I do that, what about us good girls, Steve? How do we live? Now that I know bad girls have your commandments to follow, my life as a good girl has no purpose.
But alas, Steve is not the only mansplainer there is. Shall we talk about Kanye West for a minute? In September 2009, Taylor Swift won a VMA for Fearless, an album a lot of us, as teenagers, felt really moved by. During her acceptance speech, Kanye felt the need to climb on up, and bring the whole party – ironically – South.  As Kanye stood on the stage, explaining to everyone why Beyoncé should have won, our palms just collectively hit our faces.
Kanye, buddy, we were amused when you walked out at the 2004 American Music Awards after not having won an award. We also tolerated your eloquent whining about losing in 2006. But when you belittled a 19-year old for winning over Beyoncé, when even Queen Bee did not express disapproval, was just breaking the girl code. Now, I am not saying you should read the Code of Honor by your friend Steve Santagati, I’m just saying that it won’t help at all.
Since, mansplaining seems to be a huge part of our lives these days, consider using the following techniques to avoid being mansplained. If interrupted during conversation, try screaming at the top of your lungs until noticed. Running away while screaming is recommended but not required. In case you are told to smile more, quote Dwight Schrute from The Office, “Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.” and walk away. If that still does not deliver the message, it is helpful to obtain dragons, build an army, and become queen of your own empire.

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