Hello minions, I’m glad you found our issue of The Tin Soldier at the back of this other paltry newspaper. In this issue, we show you how to start out a career as a professional protester.
1. Make yourself a sign
The defining feature of any protester is a giant picket-style sign, with a few words on it. Be sure to make the words short and simple, so that you and your fellow protesters can chant it like mindless zombies.
2. Start doing damage
It’s not a protest without some window smashing! Take the nearest Imprint rack near you and give it a good ol’ chuck. Now you’re really getting into it! Bring all your friends for maximum carnage.
3. Hide yourself with a black mask
Well, you didn’t think you’d get away with criminal activity without the WatCops showing up, did you? Now, you need a mask so you can make it out undetected. If you planned ahead, you would have brought your ski mask along, but if you need a little bit of enginuity to get you past the security cameras, take a really black page and wrap it around your face. This page will suffice, but only if you really rub it around your face for maximum adhesiveness.
4. Hide your friends too!
Why stop at yourself? Help a friend out and rub it in your friend’s face too. Now you can both be master protesters!
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