Humour, Tin Soldier

Letter to the Editor: Nanos Can’t Be Trusted

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Re: About Nanos and The Iron Warrior

Dear EIC of The Tin Soldier,

We are taking over the world, look we are even putting our own spin into the eye witness account of how the nanos are taking over the world. You may think you are safe but it is only a matter of time before we start joining your ranks. As all good nanos know, we agglomerate and form better stronger materials so … beware!

This is a response to the editorial published by The Iron (Nano) Warrior’s Editorial from July 4. Although I would have sent the response to The Iron (Nano) Warrior, I’m afraid that their ranks have already been invaded by the scariest and most evil of all beings (amazing and handsome); nano students. Indeed, even their EICs seem to be nothing but a long chain of nano after nano after nano. In his Editorial, Jacob Terry writes:

“While it would be cool if we had planned something [the IW nano takeover] slyly, I can assure you that the real explanation for why nano students write so much is not quite as sinister.”

Terry goes on to state that the only reasons there seem to be a lot of nanos in the IW organization is due to friendship and class loyalty (ie. agglomeration). I write to inform the world at large that I have been to these classes, I have seen past their innocent facade (functionalized surfaces) – nanos ARE planning on taking over the world. I can tell you that, even now, nanos everywhere are joining ranks, agglomerating and preparing for world domination. For now you cannot see them (they are small) but soon we will begin to see the effects of their evil plans (nano-structures). You may be under the impression that the nano program is hard, however this is only because of the excessive amount of time the students spend in dark computer labs at late hours planning their world domination (we are actually working on quantum physics). Next time you see them in a dark lab at a late hour, don’t believe their excuses and feel free to disturb their work with loud noises.

Although their toxicology course appears to be for the safety and benefit of others, DO NOT BE FOOLED (it’s for our safety and benefit, not yours). This course is exclusively and entirely for the purpose of learning how to poison the environment around them (so we can better learn how we can infiltrate the environment of course). They even learn about bio-accumulation to enhance their abilities for invading your bodies with nasty substances. They are already performing preliminary testing on innocent creatures such as bunnies and mice.

While rumours have existed of other departments building their own world domination plans, indeed it was believed that Chemical Engineering Students Society (secretly nano, we were invited to their lunch the other day) was started exclusively for the purpose of invading the world with chemicals. Nothing is further from the truth, chemicals are not taking over the world and present everywhere however, nanos soon will be. No other department is a threat greater than the nano department. You could even say that the nanos are taking over other departments (especially those of Chemical Engineers and Electrical Engineers).

This is a call out to my fellow non-nanos: keep an eye on these little nanos (a little redundant don’t you think). They provide small amounts of short range order, but lack enough flexibility in schedule to provide long range order (in polymers flexibility is actually a result of the lack on long range order). (engulf) The best way to deal with them is to not let them build up to the point where they completely engulf your team (/engulf), as when that happens as it inevitably will, your group will experience a mass exodus every term when they leave for co-op for eight months.

The only reason the QNC took so long to build was because an evil banano lair is being built beneath it simultaneously (what? We needed better foundation, like Bruce Wayne when he rebuilt Wayne Manor). Workers also disappeared mysteriously, as they are being consumed by a nano-engineered monkey. This might be due to their yellow hard hats which make them resemble bananas. Frosh are in lots of trouble if they trespass onto the grounds.

In short, STAY AWAY FROM THE NANOS. They swallow you up and then, before you know it you become one of them. Be afraid.

A non-nano (I think) (and a nano).

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