Disclaimer: The following piece of fiction is only meant to parody E.L. James’ popular novel Fifty Shades of Grey using a setting that is a bit closer to home. This in no way reflects the opinions of the Iron Warrior, the Engineering Society or the Engineering Federation Orientation Committee.
Looking in the mirror that morning, I became very aware of the futility of any attempt to clean myself up. In a couple of hours, I would be getting various challenges from people in chains, most of which would get very messy. I’d observed them in the past and I can’t say I was looking forward to it, and yet something was telling me something special was going to happen today.
I ran to the courtyard where the rest of my group was waiting. A chained man snarled at me, “You’re late!” I knew I wasn’t, but it was ingrained in my mind that disagreeing would only make them harder. I was instructed to get on my knees and demonstrate my regret. I immediately dropped to the ground and gave his black leather boots a good work-over. After a few minutes of hard rubbing, he was satisfied, and let me return to my group. As I returned to my group, a strange feeling came over me; a feeling I wasn’t expecting: excitement. It was then I realized that I actually wanted to please him, and not just him, but all of them.
I returned to my tasks, which I had been told were the reason I was here, and yet, it all seemed so unimportant. I longed for another encounter with one of them. My heart would race whenever I heard the clinking of chains approaching me, but they always walked past me to attend to another’s transgressions. How could they possibly be more deserving than me?!
As the day went on, I resigned myself to my job. I even started to enjoy it, but deep inside me I knew that I could feel more. I thought back to my first and only encounter of the day and regretted not doing more. I wanted to live in that moment. I fantasized about that moment. I made myself a silent promise to take advantage of the first opportunity I could, to please them. The sweet rustle of the chains could be heard once more, but I was more cautious with my feelings this time. Another disappointment might have crushed me. This time, however, he stopped in front of my congregation and prepared to address us. Could this be the opportunity I was waiting for?
He looked over us and announced that he needed someone to finish up the rest of his dressing. “I will!” I cried, like a toddler hungry for the bottle. I ran up eagerly and dropped before him. He extracted a small bottle from his left pocket, gingerly unscrewed the lid, and held it over my mouth. I closed my eyes in anticipation. I waited for one second … two seconds … but before I could count the third, it hit me. My tongue could taste hints of sweetness. My lips and cheeks could feel the creaminess as the dressing oozed its way down to my chin. He looked down at me and asked, “Did you like that?”
I swallowed, looked up with pride, and exclaimed, “Yes Sir!”
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