Editor’s Note: This article is published in print as part of The Tin Soldier – a satirical and humorous insert published with the final issue of each university term. Articles that are part of The Tin Soldier are not meant to be taken literally or seriously.
Remember when I said Finding Nemo (2003) is one of the best movies ever? I lied! It is one of the worst movies ever made. What a total piece of trash this film is. I curse the day I ever laid my eyes on Nemo’s stupid gimpy fin.
Nemo’s mom dies after she is eaten by a Barracuda. Aww maaaan why did I spoil that? Because I don’t want you to be emotionally scarred like I was. Oh who is this delightful female fish? Nemo sure is lucky to have such a nice mom. Oh snap! She dead. What just happened? Why would you kill off the mother in a Disney movie??!!! It’s a Disney movie; they aren’t supposed to kill off the parents! No other Disney movie would ever do such a thing as that.
Furthermore, the environmental damage caused by this movie is horrific. Let me paint you a picture:
“Hey Mommy, Mommy! I want a Nemo fish!”
“I don’t know hun, clown fish are very rare and should be left alone or else they’ll end up extinct”.
“If you don’t buy me this I’ll cry and cry until I die. I totally can”.
“FML fiiine”.
The dentist was incompetent, Sharks are not vegetarians, a fish could never pass through a water treatment facility without being ground to a guppy pulp, and a fall from a second story window in a plastic bag full of water would definitely kill the fish inside if it didn’t burst the bag upon impact. What a stupid plan! Dreamwork’s Shark Tale (2004) was a million times better.
Who am I kidding?!! I can’t f &^%$ing do this! I’m so sorry… They made me do this for the Tin Soldier. How could I ever write such lies! Blasphemy!
P.S. Shark Tale was a piece of crap.
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