Engineering is a breeding ground for nerds. Like a free radical, propagation of nerds is quick and virtually unstoppable. Contrary to popular opinion, nerds have a very complex speciation that is hard to distinguish unless you’re in the inner ranks (translation: not all of them are the same)! Therefore, here is an insider’s perspective to the many species of nerds you may encounter at Waterloo—and how to deal with them if you’re trapped in their presence for too long.
The Grade Grubbing Nerd – These nerds have one thing on their mind at all times: school and school only. Not only do they give 110% attention to school work all day every day, these nerds are extremely high-maintenance, especially during group projects and exam time. These nerds believe that if they can’t do it, nobody can—heck, even if they can do it, nobody else still can. Don’t be scared if they snap or yell at you in group projects—rather, realize that projecting their anger onto you is just a way of dealing with their own inner insecurities and perfectionism.
How to Deal: The worst thing you can tell a Grade Grubbing nerd to do is calm down. However, keeping yourself calm, and being rational can do a lot to avoid unnecessary conflict.
The “I have an opinion” Nerd – The most popular of the nerd types, this nerd may seem deceivingly social. I-have-an-opinion types scavenge the internetz for information on anything from politics to philosophy to crude sexual humour, and as a result, believe themselves to be Ph.Ds on the subject matter. Don’t mistake their talkativeness for sociability, though—they are often just looking for a channel through which they can vent their wide array of useless knowledge rather than doing something productive with said information (like writing in The Iron Warrior). However, underneath their rather douchebag exterior, these nerds can be surprisingly refreshing people to talk to if you’re tired of making awkward small talk with random strangers.
How to deal: If you are in the present of IHAO nerds, the best way to extract yourself from their presence is to agree with their opinion. Swallowing your pride might suck, but it’s better than having to swallow their spiel. Alternatively, you can use your own witticism to make them look like a fool.
The Sci-fi/Fantasy Nerd: These nerds are the most varied in type—they can range from very quiet and geeky, to very loud and overbearing about their choice of science fiction or fantasy medium. The loud and overbearing are the ones who have memorized huge chunks of books or movies like The Matrix and will willingly shout these lines at you in opportune moments. Take heed, though: regardless of whether these nerds are quiet or loud, these nerds are fused together by one common thread: if you argue against their fetish, they will drive you into the ground.
How to Deal: Sci-fi and fantasy nerds aren’t just passionate about their book—they’re passionate about every book! So if you really hate one of the books they’re talking about, trying discussing your favourite book or movie instead.
The Vat of Facts Nerd: These nerds don’t have photographic memory—it’s more like a constantly filming video camera. They can spew out a colossal amount of scitech-geekery at you, from the number of pixels per square inch on an iPhone 4 to a discussion on the life cycle of a virus in your body. Unlike the IHAO nerds, VOFs can be very gentle but also very boring. They are truly passionate about science and technology—they just don’t know how to get this message across without sounding like a textbook.
How to Deal: VOF nerds can be very sensitive, so approach with caution! If you’re caught in the presence of VOFs nerds for too long, try steering the conversation toward your area of interest. However, do understand that even the mere act of being interested can spur VOFs on, so instead of being polite, be honest—but nicely!
However, the best way to remedy these situations is simple: try becoming a nerd yourself! Nerd transmorfiguration is virtually painless, and nerds are more than willing to convert fellow non-nerds to their way of life. But finding the right type of nerd to be is essential—and there are always new and undiscovered species of nerds out there.
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