Good Afternoon Sexy Readers!
Many thousand apologies for my conspicuous absence from these pages last issue. However, I was off on an important mission, moving from land to land in search of something or someone very important: My replacement.
As much as it pains me to say this, sexy readership, this could be the very last time that some of you will ever see my words in print. Well, not really; you can always go back and pick up another issue of my older stuff and read that, but it’s really not the same now, is it? Yes, my 4-stream friends, the time of Chad Sexington is at an end. And though I never thought I’d be writing these words, it seems like they need to be set down on paper (and in a paper!). Like the Dangerman before me, and the LowRider before him, it’s now time for me to issue a call to arms (and hands and heads as well) so that you can answer it. The satire page is one oft left blank in The Warrior of Iron. Too few hear its sweet siren song and find it within themselves to put forth words of ‘wisdom’ and ‘humour’. But every so often, a champion will take up the mantle and spew nonsense and skullduggery for all to enjoy. Could this be you? Is it you? It is you, isn’t it?
With my last space (unless, of course, you are around next term), I will issue this final list of Chad Sexington’s 4 Reasons to Write the Satire Column, in hopes that a young upstart will be moved to build upon what those who have come before created:
1)Being the resident satirist is a noble calling. Riding high amongst the writing legends of yore, you will forever be immortalized amongst the greats, like Dickens or King, in the national archives. Did you know that a copy of every IW gets sent to the archives of Canada to be stored there forever? Bet you didn’t.
2) Your work will be sent far and wide, to universities across the globe (copies of the IW get sent to many other schools so they can check it out), and you’ll be able to sleep well knowing that you’ve made a difference in the lives of your loyal fans and new readers alike.
3)Loyal Fans. You will probably receive, like I do, hundreds of pieces of fan-mail and questions about how awesome you are from all of the hottest supermodels in the world. It is a tiring task to read them all and look at all the photos they send you, but somehow I think you’ll manage.
4) You can write anything! The sky is not the limit when you’re writing what you know the world needs to hear. You can’t put a limit on genius, and that means you have no limitations. The best part about writing satire and humour is that it can be whatever amuses you and those you wish to read your words. It really helps you polish your writing skills and keeps you in top form for writing reports and assignments. It might not be easy to start, but all you need, and all the world has ever needed, is one great idea.
So with that, my Sexy Readership, I will say my last goodbye, put on my plaid, load up my pickup truck, and put the cover on my mighty axe of knowledge, for it shall swing no more around these parts. As I take this long walk into the frozen forests of the future, lumberjacking my way towards my destiny far off in the mists of time, I just want to say thanks to you, the readers, for being here with me and reading my ramblings over and over. It has been a pleasure, my friends. Finally, to the person out there who is thinking of taking over this space with their musings in the future. Do it. Find the time, make the effort, because it’s definitely worth it, and you DO have what it takes. Don’t worry about what all those other people think, because you’re going to be great. Trust in the Chad.
Unto the Ends of the Earth,
Stay Sexy.
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