As Waterloo’s current President David Johnston is set to take the role of Governor General on October 1st, rumors of his plans for his appointed term are already starting to surface. Just as Johnston changed the way our University advertises and represents itself, Johnston plans to revolutionize Canada’s image as a whole.
The first step; our national flag. Our current flag has represented our country for 45 years now, and it’s time for a face-lift. We need a new flag that is bold, innovative and risk taking. After what were undoubtedly months upon months of deep thought and soul searching, images have already started to leak of Johnston’s proposed plan. The Tin Soldier has managed to find one of these images, which is displayed above. It doesn’t stop with just our national flag however, each province will be forced to abandon their traditional flag, which will be replaced by a colour specifically selected to represent that particular province. Some of these province-colour combinations include a ‘Nordiques Bleu’ for Quebec, a lobster-red for Newfoundland, and a plant shade of green for British Columbia, which has been selected for undisclosed reasons.
The plan goes on to outline more innovative and unconventional ways to completely change the way Canada is perceived by the rest of the world; including changing the accompanying melody of our national anthem to the Star Wars theme and introducing a mandatory online professional development course for all federal members of parliament. Their biweekly assignments will be marked by sophomore poli-sci majors, and failing to complete these courses will result in their party requiring to resubmit a candidate for that constituency.
In collaboration with RIM, construction on additional UW and RIM campuses will begin on any and all available green space across the country. Children’s playgrounds will also be equipped with beginner chemistry sets and science textbooks to encourage more children to go into science, engineering and technology.
Johnston will also work to have the ‘Water Water Water, Loo Loo Loo’ cheer recited every morning in public schools along with the national anthem. There are also rumors of Johnston re-introducing the two dollar bill, but with Mike Lazaridis’ face gracing the front of the bill and ‘In BBM We Trust’ adorning the back.
As there is no foreseen retaliation to the coloured flags that will be placed along the trans-Canada highway displaying the provincial colours and encouraging words such as ‘collaborative’, ‘risk-taking’, ‘innovative’ and ‘ground-breaking’ and the fool-proof campaign they represent, Johnston also plans to relocate his Governor General’s office as well as the house of commons to a new parliament campus in the West Side of Dubai.
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