TS Recommends: Somewhere Cheap

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Listen, after a few dates with your new fling, you’ve realized that things are just not the way you wanted them to be. You only met this person because you ended up at the same coffee shop every afternoon and it would have been completely rude to be so oblivious as to not know they existed. You sort of liked the way they dressed, they weren’t too bad looking, and from initial conversations they didn’t seem like a complete imbecile. The naivety quickly faded though and you found out that this is can’t go on any farther without you losing your mind. The hobbies you enjoy somehow go against their religion, they have an undying love for Twilight and they hate every single piece of entertainment you enjoy (and seriously, how could anyone hate Toy Story? They must be psychotic). How can you get rid of them without growing a pair and telling them you don’t want to see them?
Take them somewhere cheap. Tell them that there are great deals going on. You have to be clever about it though; you can’t just go to Taco Bell and think they’ll buy it. I’m talking the kind of cheap that only comes out when you flash a huge coupon book in their face. Two can dine for 8.99? Now we’re talking! Insist to split the bill anyways. They say they want to go out to drink afterwards? You say you heard a place is doing two dollar shots tonight. Insist they pay for cover. Drink way too much, your wallet won’t feel it. Start drunkenly rambling about how you save money by emptying dryers of people at your apartment complex and use the remaining time for your clothes. Cap the night off with stating you’re looking to spend a few thousand dollars on a life sized statue of Gary Busey. By now (and hopefully much earlier) they’ll leave in disgust, your psychotic level of cheap was enough to do what you couldn’t just say out in the open. Why do this instead of tell them that you’re just not interested? Passive aggressive behaviour is so hot right now.

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