How to Raise Money for E5

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Michael New:

We turn UW into a hunting range and then charge hunters lots of money to come in and shoot all our geese and squirrels. An additional charge can be added for student disguises so that the hunters can blend in with the crowd and sneak up on their prey. Hunters may even purchase fake Watcards (for only 90% of the actual cost) so that if the geese ask for ID the hunters will be prepared.  We make tons of money and get rid of our goose and squirrel problem at the same time! Now that’s optimization!

Kate Heymans:

So we need more money. Well let’s turn towards the resource most commonly available on campus: students!!! Well yes, look around you, what do you see? Students, students and more students! You might wonder how students can be turned into a viable income but instead of looking at them as people start focusing on their biological make-up… Not sure where this is going? Focus on what students produce, there’s lots of stuff to be harvested; blood, organs, even semen! So now that you know what to do there really should no longer be a budget deficit.

Jon Radice:

Reduce the amount of money in the budget that is being dumped into administration when they have no clear goals or reasons as to why they are receiving so much more money for the same administration we’ve had this whole time. Oh… you wanted a funny answer? Um, Nude Rodeo Fundraiser?

Mikayla Micomonaco

A way to raise money is to offer students, staff, faculty, alumni and randoms off the street a unique way to help support the construction of our new engineering buildings.  They can purchase a brick, which will be carefully inscribed with their name – on the bottom, where nobody will ever see it again.  Those who purchase this lasting reminder of their generosity can rest assured that the cement between the bricks will forever be pressed into the shape of their name, where it is incised on the brick’s bottom, and will never forget their generous contribution to the future of engineering at UW.

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