The Odyssey

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Good afternoon my Gorgeous readers!

Welcome back to another instalment of the sexiest column on newsprint! Hope all of your work terms were super sexy and you had a great chance to build new skills and meet new people. It’s been an interesting couple of months here at UW in your absence, and to start off I’ve taken a bit of leave to explore the wider world. I’m writing to you now from a mystery location as I don’t even know exactly where I am, but more on that later.

2009 is over and overall I think it was a pretty good year. Sure school might’ve been a bit harder than the year before and some bad stuff might have happened to us, but just think of all the good things that have happened in the past twelve months and you might begin to see that 2010 is going to be even better. The most attractive parts of 2009 for you might have included getting a job, getting closer to graduation (383 Days Until IRS!), Halloween, the closing of one door and the opening of two more, road trips, crossing the finish line, friends from afar coming to town, new music, new movies, new houses and new adventures, finding out that you can stand for things, stand on things, stand in front of things and stand behind things, wrestling bears and changing yourself for the better. Yes sexy readers in the words of a very good friend, “2009 might’ve sucked, but 2010 is going to be freakin’ awesome”. If last year wasn’t your year, then make this one do your bidding. Take that year and shape it into the best year of your life. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but as the saying goes “the only easy day was yesterday” so get ready for some sexy times!

As I wonder about the engaging new times that 2010 will bring, I am surrounded by woodland creatures all tucked away for winter in their burrows and it is quiet. Do not fear beautiful readers, I am not lost, I merely don’t know exactly where I am. I know now that I am hundreds of kilometres from the nearest town, far out in the middle of a frozen lake covered in waist deep snow with only my winter parka and my snowshoes to carry me forward. Snow falls softly down as the winter weather makes its presence known, and there is not a person in sight, only the rustle of the trees and the crunch of snow as I walk. Few people experience the strange quality of this place. It is indescribable and strangely comfortable this far out in the wilderness. It’s like being in a warm bed while actually being in the frigid winter cold. You might want to try it sometime, it makes you feel alive like almost nothing can. But why am I here you might wonder? Well dear readers, last term the itch of travel came upon me and I embarked upon a mighty quest to have a sexy adventure. Equipped with quips and ¾ of a MANgineering degree, I left UW and headed out to find the craziest adventures possible. While in the last town I had come across, as I laid down the law on sexy parties, I heard of a wise man of the woodlands. The mightiest jacker-of-lumber that has ever existed. Great is his beard, long is his reach and sharp is his enormous axe so the story goes, and I have set out to find him. “Where does he live?” I enquired of a passing woodsmith. “To the north” he replied, “go out and follow the trail of woodchips to him” and so I have. For when I find him dear readers, I will learn from this woodsman all that there is to learn about the mastery of the forest and impart this knowledge unto you, wish me luck.

Until next time,

Stay Sexy.

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