Engineering Negatives

Inaara Ahmed-Fazal - 1A Biomedical
Posted on: November 27, 2019

*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***

The University of Waterloo returns with plans for yet another series of Engineering buildings! This time, the expansion is not only represented by an increase in available teaching spaces, but also by an extension into the negative integers. Yes, you may be studying next year in either Engineering Negative One or Engineering Negative Two!

While the University seems to have laid out some very detailed designs for the expansion, the feasibility of creating such structures falls short of the heights the new buildings are said to rise to. Construction of two new facilities that will make use of the airspace above the Campus Plaza will reportedly be underway come Spring 2020. A pillar made entirely of reject lettuce heads from lettuce club will be established in the centre of the plaza parking lot in order to support the new buildings.

Sounds fantastic, doesn’t it? You won’t even have to go outdoors to get to Campus Pizza during a 3 am study session! And you can live each day to its fullest knowing that your education is being supported by 5387 tonnes of compressed lettuce.

Some believe otherwise. The most prominent current conspiracy theory, suspected to have originated from the Faculty of Math, promotes the notion that the negative engineering buildings will actually take away learning spaces. Their logic is as follows: if we add Engineering Negative Two to a system that includes Engineering Two, we achieve a result of zero.

Naturally, chaos has also been achieved as a result of these recent developments. Some students have taken advantage of the possibility DWE and E2 disappearing by simply not going to any class in either building, others spend each of their lectures in varying degrees of fear, and yet others have generated their own proposed designs for new buildings should any disappear.

The most notable of the new designs is Engineering Euler’s Constant, or Ee, which reportedly would feature a beautiful lawn for outdoor studying.

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