Time Tu Say GoodbyeDon Maudsley - So That's Where the Abdullah Dolla Bills Went
Posted on: July 17, 2016
*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***
Hi everyone! Welcome to the last issue of the Iron Warrior! So ends Spring 2016, as well as the reign of the current Executive team! It has been a crazy ride and I want to thank everyone for being a part of it.
Just kidding. It was all me. I want to thank just myself.
It seems like only yesterday that I was learning where the Orifice was and how to embezzle funds from the termly budget. I remember the days where I would write down budget items like “Don Tu’s Slush Fund”… oh, I was so naïve! I now know that if you want to properly misappropriate student fees, you absolutely must use Jedi mind tricks. Don’t believe me? Refer to this term’s budget, line 56, “These Aren’t the Funds You Are Looking For”. Have you found it? No, you haven’t, because I’ve learned how to use the Force to hide my nefarious deeds from the perception of the human eye. Sorry about your fifteen dollars.
In my time as VP Finance, I’ve learned about more than I possibly could have hoped to and done things I didn’t think were even possible. Remember that time I turned the E5 Design Bay into a giant ball-pit? That was a good time! Oh, or what about when I created a giant animatronic goose that accidentally destroyed the plaza? Hah! And what about—wait, you don’t remember any of these things? Right… that’s because the goose ending up blowing up the Dean’s office and I had to use all of the ECIF and Sponsorship money to create a time machine in order to go back in time, save everyone, and wipe your memories.
Maybe it’s just better if we pretend that I didn’t do anything.
The crazy ride’s almost over now. I met with the Sponsorship Committee last Saturday, when we listened to a whole bunch of extremely enthusiastic and talented student teams who pitched sponsorship proposals to us. We were amazed with what they had to say, and we’re extremely excited to announce that we will be fully sponsoring the “UWaterloo Sends Don Tu and the Sponsorship Committee on an All Expenses Paid Trip to The Bahamas” Team! It’s an amazing group of individuals who are running this team. Can’t imagine where or who they got the idea from.
I suppose it’s now time for me to look to the future and think about what crazy hijinks I will get up to next. However, only time will tell how that unfolds! Until then, you can always reach me with your questions and comments at firstname.lastname@example.org!
Oh. Wait. I guess you won’t be able to anymore… whoops! Send my regards to your new VP Operations & Finance, Katie Arnold!