Greetings to all of you once more. It’s so nice to see all of your lovely faces once again (I can see you through my picture, like in Harry Potter, but don’t try talking to me. I’m quite busy spelaeologying. I will likely not respond and you will just be talking to a newspaper… pretty preternatural if you ask me).
Now, I get asked a lot of questions every day; “What is your favourite flavour of banana?” “Which of these llamas would make the best hat?” “How many days until yesterday?” and the like. But most of all, I am asked one simple question: “Brockgraeme how is it that you are so good looking all the time?” Well let me tell you, noble reader, that there is but one answer to this question, and that answer is (drumrolllllllllll)… I consistently and without fail receive an excellent haircut.
Now you might say that is nothing to brag about, but it is. Getting a good haircut is not something that just happens; it is a skill, and a well honed one at that.
For many people, getting a haircut is a harrowing experience. Going in, you never know what the top of your head may look like when you come out (see Ben Selby). But if you follow Brockgraeme’s Three Simple Steps to Haircut Receiving Excellence™, you will, consistently and without fail, receive good haircut.
1) Let your hairdresser/barber/horse (or whomever it is that cuts your hair) know who is in charge (which is you by the way). This can be done by first making direct, unblinking eye contact for 5 straight minutes upon meeting the haircutting person. This will assert your dominance and let them know once and for all who is in charge of whose hair (hint: you are in charge of your hair).
2) Every time your haircutter does something wrong or upsetting, throw something across the room. This will be unpleasant for the person cutting your hair and they will want to try and avoid any further wrongdoing.
3) If you follow the above steps perfectly, you will need no further direction and will receive good haircuts all the time every time.
Following these three steps will not only give you a good haircut all the time, but make you more confident and personable.
But I digress.
Stress levels are rising around the world as peoples’ productivity is expected to be greater and greater in today’s fast paced world (http://tinyurl.com/stresssucks). One of the biggest causes of stress is deadlines. I challenge anyone to contradict me in saying that without deadlines, there would be no stress. The world would simply be a more enjoyable place to live.
By placing a constraint on how much time a person has to complete a task, you are not only damaging the person’s mental state, but also limiting the person’s creativity. Imagine a world where you had as much time as you needed to finish a job. How often have you been writing a report and thought, “This could be so much better if I only had a couple more hours?” Every term? That’s what I thought. This idea applies to so much more than just school though. If the E5 architect had another few days, would there be water fountains? Would the toilets actually flush on the Systems floor? Would the concrete sidewalks work the first time? Would you be able to climb to the seventh floor without getting dizzy and out of breath? Would the windows line up? Would the chalk boards be taller than two feet each in room 3101? Would the whole building not be sinking because the weight of students was never taken into account? The possibilities are endless.
“But nothing would ever get done Brockgraeme!” you may exclaim. Well, “I am disinclined to subscribe to your expostulation,” is what I would respond. A world without deadlines would be a much different world, but would it really be the chaos you postulate? Let me know what you think by electronically mailing me at brockgraeme [at] gmaildotcom.
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