Everyone knows that you are only at co-op for four months and clearly your development on co-op has no influence whatsoever on your success later in life. If you really want to impress interviewers post graduation, you’ll want to have lots of stories to tell about how much your previous bosses hate you and therefore you are really desperate for the job. Here are some stellar tips on how to make sure your boss hates you, ensuring great stories for years to come.
Talk as much as possible about religion and politics. Invite Jehovah’s Witness to your office to give presentations on the merits of your organization. Make sure everyone in your office prioritizes spiritual salvation over temporal needs with large posters of various deities and prophets. Alternatively, go on tirades about how silly religion is and how stupid all adherents must be for believing it. This is a great way to get everyone in the office sharing their views in a peaceful manner. Another great topic is politics-be sure to mention your favourite politicians, bring banners and campaign signs to the office and email your co-workers articles advocating certain viewpoints.
Make inappropriate jokes in the lunch room. A sure fire way to make everybody uncomfortable. All publicity is good publicity, right and nothing screams dedication like an equity complaint to HR.
Show your support for social networks. Make sure you add all your co-workers to Facebook and access at work whenever possible. This way, everyone will understand if you show up a little groggy, as they can see pictures of you drinking beer out of a shoe the night before. Twitter, youtube and other sites really show your commitment to your company’s social presence.
Steal material directly from your competitors: this is called “best practices”. See a great ad or innovative idea from a competitor? Ensure your company remains competitive by taking their materials and rehashing them as your own. Taking code or other proprietary information from another company (perhaps through a co-op friend) is a great way to build trust and show your loyalty.
Go around your boss to criticize him to his superior. His supervisor will appreciate your honesty and be sure to reward you. Your boss will be especially appreciative, as everyone loves feedback when it is not given directly to them.
If you don’t like your co-workers clothes, hair, weight, etc., make sure you let them know. Nothing is more helpful than direct, forceful commentary on personal attributes.
Show up fashionably late and then make a big deal about it. You want everyone to know how important and special you are and there is no better way to do so than talking about what a hangover you have this morning.
Play your music really loudly, without speakers. It’s safe to assume that everyone has the same music tastes as you and would be delighted to hear your music.
Complain all the time. Everyone wants to know how unfair your job is and how you could do a far better job than those around you.
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