Events, Waterloo

“Lettuce Club”?

With all the clubs on campus and acronyms for every combination of words possible, one might wonder about this one. Is it a club that advocates on behalf of vegetables? Is “lettuce” really L.E.T.T.U.C.E., an acronym for some new groundbreaking invention? Nope! Lettuce club is exactly what it sounds like – it’s a club about lettuce that caters to the veggie enthusiasts on campus.

Up to three times a term, a group of lettuce lovers congregate in POETS. Every participant must bring their own full head of iceberg lettuce. After size and condition are confirmed, each participant may prepare their lettuce however they deem fit. Some people prefer to peel straight from the head and fold the leaves into their mouths, others chop theirs into bite-sized pieces they can pop in quickly, while others prefer to quarter their lettuce to shove an entire chunk in at once. After everyone is prepared, the timer starts and the crunching commences. The goal? To finish the entire head faster than everyone else, earn the title of “Head Lettuce”, and become the new president of Lettuce Club.

The room fills with the sounds of munching and crunching. Eyes flit back and forth to gauge comparative progress. Hands dip into bowls, and lettuce disappears at a rapid rate. The symphony of competitive crunching is an indescribable experience. Iceberg lettuce is 95% water, making it the perfect choice for a food competition. It also has 5% fibre and a small amount of minerals like calcium and iron. The only thing to watch out for is that the lettuce is consumed at a safe rate so as to prevent choking. In the end, only one thing romaines to be said: this club is a unique opportunity I would highly recommend for anyone who enjoys leafy vegetables and healthy competition. Lettuce all say congratulations to runners-up Nonso Moneme and Nick Pfeifle, and to Brandon Lam who finished first with a time of 6 minutes 35 seconds and earned the title of “Head Lettuce”, only to abdicate and pass his crown to Nonso.

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