“When you eat your Smarties, do you eat the red ones last? Do you suck them very slowly, or crunch them very fast?” What about cracking them in half and peeling off the sugar coating to eat the inside separately? There are as many ways to eat a Smartie as there are people who eat them. Like the human race, Smarties are diverse and delectable. Personally, I always eat the red ones last.
It has come to my attention that some slanderous people say the M&M, that American candy-coated chocolate, is superior to the Smartie – a Canadian gem. But wait, are Smarties Canadian? Well, in researching whether or not Smarties were a Canadian invention, I stumbled across a website investigating this very issue. They cite, as their evidence for Smarties being a Canadian invention, a piece of junk mail advertising Molson beer which says Canada is better than the States because of Smarties. True. They however also cite that the Nestle website claims Smarties were invented in the UK by H. I. Rowntree & Co. Well, never mind their country of origin, I am forever grateful to be able to eat them, while the States must eat “Smarties”, the equivalent of our “Rockets”, so obviously our Smarties are far superior to theirs. And yes, American Smarties had to change their name to Rockets when they wanted to sell in Canada.
Today we are not discussing peanut M&M’s, which are, of course, the supreme shelled chocolate candy. We’re discussing the small, unsatisfying, overly sweet M&M’s that will never compete with Smarties. The flatter, crunchier Smartie is both suckable and crunchable. An M&M gives you no choice, dissolving to mush almost immediately after it enters your mouth. Gross. Smarties are bigger, have more chocolate, and there are more Smarties in a little Smartie box than one of those dinky packets of M&M’s.
Speaking of boxes versus packets, you can recycle a Smartie box, but you can’t recycle the little bags of M&M’s… If you support M&M’s you support climate change, just saying… Plus, Smarties manufacturer Nestle has committed to 100% ethically and sustainably sourced cocoa, whereas Mars, who manufactures M&M’s, was much more convoluted on their website about their climate goals.
Planetary health aside, Smarties are better for you, too! Smarties care about what you eat and in 2009 they made the switch in Canada from synthetic to all-natural flavours and dyes. And no, Smarties are not made with insect guts. At one point, the red colour used a pigment derived from cochineal beetles, but it has been replaced by a red cabbage extract. Plus, how cool is it that the blue colour comes from cyanobacteria – essentially blue-green algae – way better than eating “Brilliant Blue FCF” which sounds like a paint and not an edible substance. And it’s in M&M’s.
Smarties are better at a lot of things besides – would you put Smarties or M&M’s in your trail mix? The hardier Smartie for sure. What works better baked into a brownie? The chocolate with a crunchable shell that won’t melt in the oven. If you wanted a melted chocolate mess, you should use chocolate chips, much more affordable than the over-priced, under-engineered M&M. Want to do a face of make-up using only candy shell dye – that M&M shell melts as soon as you lick it, but you can easily turn a Smartie into lipstick. Try it next time! Given how tough that outer coating is, you can use them for all sorts of fun things from crafting to replacement board game pieces in a pinch.
And Smarties never get messy when you take them on a car ride and lose them between the seats. Have you ever reached under a cushion and found a perfectly preserved Smartie? Go ahead, dust off the hair and give it a nibble – I bet it tastes great. You know what wouldn’t taste great? A leftover M&M, smushed beyond recognition by the merest touch like a mosquito.
I’m going to tell you a little story about myself. My love of Smarties goes way back to childhood Halloweens. My mother, always on top of the latest health news, had recently found out about the horrors of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, and modified palm oils. To the horror of my sister and I, we had to sort through all our candy and toss the ones that had any of the “bad ingredients”. It was kind of a fun Halloween tradition because my OCD loves to sort things, but it also meant that my candy haul was divided into the third I could eat and the third that my mum would take to work for co-workers. One of the very few candies that fit into the strict guidelines was Smarties. Add to that the fact that unlike other candies, these ones were long-lasting. It took me twice as long to eat a box of Smarties, and there was always enough to share if anyone asked. The bag never has enough M&M’s to share.
Look, if you’re not convinced by now that Smarties are superior, I don’t know what else to say. I’ll leave you with one parting question. “Eat that candy-coated chocolate, but tell me when I ask, when you eat your Smarties, do you eat the red ones last?”
chris
team smarties!!!