Hello everyone! Welcome to my latest, greatest, and unfortunately last update of the term. Before I continue, I’d like to thank everyone for rabidly following my updates throughout the semester. Your support has made my first term as VP Finance an incredible and gratifying experience. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen students fighting each other to get a copy of the Iron Warrior just to tear to my update and throw away the rest of the newspaper, I might be able to pay for tuition! With that out of the way, please join me in a quick reminiscence.
Over the course of the Fall, the Society has seen the Student Deals program really gaining popularity. Students have been telling me how happy they’ve been to spend their money on frozen treats at places like Marble Slab Creamery instead of on rent or other useless stuff. Novelties has also been doing really well! We’ve cleared away a lot of inventory, and with the shelves actually looking a bit bare, we can finally start to order new inventory. I’m really happy about this because you can’t believe how many times people have come up to me and asked “Don, when are we getting new patches?”, or “Don, when are we getting new shirts?”, or “Don, could we get a giant patch with your face on it”.
I am proud to announce that after careful consideration of student feedback, Novelties will be offering giant patches with my face on them. They will be approximately a foot in diameter, making them great for sewing right onto the back of your Engineering coveralls! We sold just over 90 coveralls this term, so I am expected at least that many copies of my face to be purchased in the Spring term!
Additionally, I have been negotiating with the new EngFOC, and I am even more excited to announce that the theme of Orientation Week 2016 will be DON TU. In order to welcome the Engineers of 2021 (yeah, you feel old don’t you?), we will be ordering over 2000 shirts that say “DON TU: THE MAN, THE LEGEND” with a giant picture of my face on them. First-year kits will be stuffed with a variety of “DON TU” paraphernalia, including a foam hand with two raised fingers that says “#TU” on the front.
Now, some people have said that I haven’t been paying enough attention to RidgidWare. These people would be mistaken. All term, the RidgidWare team and I have been working on a big project to be announced once E7 is built. However, due to popular opinion, we’ve been forced to reveal our plans prematurely. The fact of the matter is that we are going to build a gigantic, 100-meter tall robot in the likeness of Pearl Sullivan that will stand guard over the E5/E7 complex. It will be able to shoot laser beams out of its eyes, beat up giant sea monsters, and tell people what Systems is. Due to a lack of funds, however, we are also considering 100 1-meter tall robots. The Kickstarter page will be up shortly.
So, that’s all for me. Thank you all for an amazing first term as an Executive – I hope that your finals go well and that we see each other again in the Spring. As always, you can reach me at vpfinance.b@engsoc.uwaterloo.ca or by chanting my name while burning $100 in unmarked bills circumscribed by a pentagram of salt. See ya!
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