Oh look, it’s finally the end of being in charge of things and now I can reveal all the secret changes that are coming. Yes, you heard that right SUPER SECRET changes. The faculty is suuuuure going to love me now, but because I’m done and fourth year don’t care I’m going to REVEAL them ALLLLLLLLL!
First, you may have noticed those admissions averages have gotten awfully high. Well, the university has found a solution! Instead of the usual work your ass off and make doe eyes at your high school teacher to get a gagillion percent average, the university has decided to hold a massive DOTA tournament. Their justification was, “we always take about the Spirit of Why Not? So why the hell not?” I see the upside in this. We’ll finally have a university wide culture of sitting in your room all day staring at a computer playing DOTA!!! Oh wait…
… Moving on to other things, the faculty has finally decided that the Geological engineers have been forgotten for wayyyyyyyy too long and has plans to rename the Civil, Environmental Department to be just be the Geological Engineering department. My sources have told me this was due to a mutiny from various people around the school and something involving some guy and circles, whatever that is supposed to mean. Anyway, Geos, your time is now; seize this opportunity and never be forgotten about again!
I also have an update on what happened to the ELPE! Well it’s dead, but you all knew that. Instead we’ll get a wonderful array of super relevant English courses that can be taken to replace it. I’ve been told there is a course on how to rap like Snoop Dog, enunciate like Bob Dylan and even a course on how to talk like a crazy right wing political activist similar to Rush Limbaugh!
Closer to home, we’ve decided to scrap the whole idea of doing a career fair. It just turned into people peddling their jobs and was just boring. Instead we’ve decided to make a FLEA MARKET! That’s right, EngSoc is creating its own flea market where you can buy lots of a useless trinkets at questionably cheap prices! How this relates to education you may ask? I don’t even know! But it will augment our existing stores and just be completely awesome!
Last but not least we have Waterloo Works. It turns out that it isn’t actually a Jobmine replacement!!!! So what is it you ask? It’s actually a secret project with the supposedly defunct North Korean satellite campus to get people to work EVEN HARDER! The real reason it is delayed is because there are some teeny tiny ethical issues here, with this being related to slave labour and all. I have full confidence in the university’s ability to keep the integrity of our now-not-so-secret-supposedly-defunct-but-actually-existing North Korean campus!
That’s all I’ve got and remember for this week. My buddy Jeff will take care of you all for the next 16 months. So here’s to him and being done.
Leave a Reply