When people retire and grow old they start to lack purpose in life and take up new activities to fill the time like bridge or crocheting. No one can bake cookies as well as grandma because that is all she does, she has so much time on her hands she has perfected the chocolate chip cookie. Recent studies show that sexually transmitted diseases have been on the rise in old people and that is gross. So to remove that gross thought from your mind, I propose to make the lives of old people easier and more enjoyable in their golden years. We can achieve this by allowing octogenarians (and perhaps a bit younger, depending on the situation) to use recreational drugs – any recreational drugs. They could smoke marijuana, crack cocaine, inject heroin or krokodil. They have free range when it comes to drugs so they can have more fun before they die. “But John Swyft, why would you let old people harm themselves with drugs, they could die and injure themselves.” you protest. If we are able to maintain a safe environment for all these old people to be administered these drugs, they won’t injure themselves that much and there are plenty of drugs to help if they do.
One reason we should give old people drugs for recreational use is because they deserve it. I am not saying that because grandma is sending me $100 a week for food but I am using it as beer money. The venerable in society have paid their dues, worked hard as a part of society, and are now trying to maintain as much comfort as possible before they die; by giving them drugs they can enjoy the last years of their lives. If grandpa never got to return France after fighting against the Nazis and to visit his secret French second family, he can take another type of trip thanks to LSD and magic mushrooms. If your really old grandmother asks where she is, you won’t know if its because she is really high or just has very advanced Alzheimer’s. Old people will be very relaxed and feel less pain than they have in years thanks to recreational drugs.
Much like the first reason, they have worked very hard to keep potatoes and bread on the table to keep their children alive to eventually produce a genetically unique you. They have suffered through wars, famine, and dictatorships, and they will need help to forget all the horrors they have seen. When your grandparents was still in elementary school, they had to fight off snakes with machetes and didn’t have shoes because they had to eat the shoes in soup. After school, your grandparents would work on the farm from dusk till dawn gathering enough potatoes and rice to feed all of Australia. The worst thing that ever happened to you in elementary school was when your Game Boy ran out of battery in math class, or you died in MapleStory and got laughed at. Even now, the worst thing that happens to us in university is when we have to study so we can have an easier life than our grandparents. Oh no, you have assignments due and have to apply for scholarships. Wow, did you know what happened to your grandparents when they were your age? COMMUNISM! They were running away form warlords and losing family members, while all you are doing is looking at how many retweets you are getting. They are getting too old for this kind of shit and terrible shit is happening right now in the world. So why not allow them a very pleasant escape from more war, while the young bring freedom to the rest of the world?
This is why we should be giving old people drugs. After a long and fruitful life to help make the future, we allow them to live a relaxed and enjoyable life. The movements of old people are a lot more limited and they will be unable to do the things that they loved before and giving them more drugs is less gross than imagining old people have sex. Unless recreational drugs also increases sex. I am not sure of the statistics on that, so we should tell old people to practice drugged-up safe sex to minimize the spread the STDs. They might be able to spread it to the young people, but I am not going to be judgmental about young people who have sex with very old seniors. Whatever floats your boat, although one of the motivations to give them drugs is to try to curb senior STD rates by having seniors have less sex. TL;DR: Promote safe condom drug sex amongst old people!
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