June 11: Hot and muggy, with a little rain. High of 24. A good day for beginnings and new phases. Get started on that assignment! If your birthday is today, expect to find everything just a bit easier. Beware: that goes for both positive and negative things! Exercise caution and willpower.
June 12: Exact same weather as yesterday. It is a good day for repeating yourself – but not other people. Examine everything today. Accept nothing on authority. Question all rules, laws, deadlines, and policies. If it is your birthday today, question that too.
June 13: Sunny with cloudy periods. High of 21. Self-sacrifice is the order of the day. Be kind to other people; you never know how it may come back to you. Share your resources, particularly answers to difficult questions. “What is the meaning of life?” “Who am I?” “Chapter 3, question 12b?”
June 14: Again! The weather is becoming truly unoriginal. You, on the other hand, are inspired! Take some time to exercise your creativity. Write a poem. Paint a picture. Explain away what happened last Friday. If it is your birthday today, your friends have prepared a surprise party… Happy Birthday!
June 15: Very sunny, with a high of 23. If possible, protect yourself from the sun with a parasol. While you are at it, knock back a few cups of tea, put in a monocle or two, and go crazy with all that Jane Austin jazz. If it is your birthday today, a tea party might not be amiss.
June 16: A chance of thundershowers, whatever those are. High of 22. Carry an umbrella, and possibly a towel to be safe. Keep track of that towel. Make sure you keep on top of everything: this is a day when things might go wrong. If it is your birthday today, then I am well and truly sorry.
June 17: Sunny again, with a high of 23. It’s a good day for self-discovery today. Not in the metaphysical sense – get into a big wooden boat, and make a map of yourself. Oppress the natives you find on your distant shores. Replace all of your ideas with spoon-fed concepts. Once you have the colonization down, congratulations! You are prepared for your midterms. Birthdays have been banned by the Empire of Ideas.
June 18: Sunny, and a high of 23. Absolutely nothing will happen today. Relax. It is a time to recover from mental taxation. If, however, your powers of concentration were not taxed sufficiently this term, you will soon receive a visit from the Mental Revenues people…. you don’t want to get booked for mental tax evasion. Fortunately, June 18 birthdays receive a mental tax rebate.
June 19: High of 22, with isolated showers. Not that we expect you to be showering with other people or anything. Today is a good day to clean up your act. Get rid of some bad habit that makes you think less of yourself. Some excess? Some timidity? Work to change that. If it is your birthday, make it a milestone. (Protip: milestones are made by significance, not numbers of years.)
June 20: Sunny with cloudy periods. High of 22. Prepare for a difficult day. There will be conflicts. There may even be blood. Be ready for the worst. If you are strong to overcome all of your adversities, rich rewards will follow. If it is your birthday today, the adversities are your job. Try to make life difficult for 364 other people, in order to build their character and gain them those rich rewards. What are you, selfish?
June 21: Nice sunshine, but the high is still 22. It is one of those dull, idyllic days that seem so nostalgic when you’re not having one. Read a book in a tree, go on a boat ride (also in a tree, why not), take a nap in the sun. Heck, take a nap in the fluorescent lights of your classroom. You do it every day. Let’s just be realistic – those pale, sickly lights are all you’ll see this summer. Birthday people: might as well skip class. It comes once a year!
June 22: Clouds, rain and sun. dT/dt = 0. Even with all of the parameters changed, there will be nothing to break the monotony of weather. That, and your life. Try to shake something up today! Make a negative change this time… virtue grows so dull. Take up smoking. Hobnob with the lower years. If it is your birthday, you have my permission to go beautifully insane.
June 23: A bit cloudy, with a high of 21! We have gone down a whole degree! The day is looking down for most people, too. Try to counteract this downward slide with an opposing force. However, if it is your birthday, you will not be successful at counteracting this sinkage. Into the ground you go.
June 24: Cloudy, with sun too. High of… you guessed it… 22. Today will give you an opportunity to prove yourself. You will find a similar proof in chapter 2, page 27. Do not copy this proof directly. If your birthday is today, you may use your birth certificate as an alternative proof.
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