Editor’s Note: This article is published in print as part of The Tin Soldier – a satirical and humorous insert published with the final issue of each university term. Articles that are part of The Tin Soldier are not meant to be taken literally or seriously.
Before the modern physics engineer, the universe behaved in random ways not associated with any set of rules or any pattern. However, because of the efforts of the greatest engineering minds throughout history, we now live in a world which almost works the way we want it to. Let’s have a look at some of the projects of great physics engineers throughout history.
Aristotle: The First Engineer
Aristotle, commonly known as “The first person to engineer physics”, was a great mind. His first and perhaps most important contribution to the universe was to move the earth to the center of everything. While today we know that this isn’t the best approach to the problem, it was a large improvement over previous efforts to ignore everything else.
Copernicus: The Man who Moved the Earth
Iron Ring bearer Nicolaus Copernicus was the first person to make major changes to the universe after Aristotle. Because of legal problems regarding Aristotle’s universe, it took most of Copernicus life to finally move the sun to the center of the solar system, and place the solar system off in space. This corrected several major problems with Aristotle’s design, such as all the stars falling to the surface of the earth, but managed to upset several major establishments who were already using Aristotle’s architecture to create a detailed user’s manual for the universe.
Newton: The Legal Studies Major
Isaac Newton was considered by many to be at the forefront of modern engineering. Because of his background in Legal Studies he quite easily evaded copyright infringement of previous physics engineers work when he began grad school. From here, he proposed an entirely new force-driven framework to run the universe, using a modified Copernicus Universe as the base. Using his system, engineers everywhere could work with unprecedented levels of accuracy. This was naturally a smashing success and this universe was adopted in almost all first and second world countries. In England, Newton actually managed to pass three laws stating that his universe was the only one to be used by qualified engineers.
Einstein: The Wartime Engineer
Albert Einstein was the physics engineer who single-handedly won the Second World War. The bombs available for use in Newton’s universe were simply not powerful enough to hold back the German war machine. Instead of panicking about it like most people, Einstein simply changed the composition of matter throughout reality so it could make larger explosions without telling the Axis forces. This gave the allies an enormous advantage in combat, eventually winning the war. Even today, his small but well documented change, from e=e to e=mc2 provides power for millions.
In all, Physics Engineers have filled a critical role in the larger engineering landscape. They release a new universe for people to work in when the old one just isn’t well made enough to keep up with demands made by society.
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