Editor’s Note: This article is published in print as part of The Tin Soldier – a satirical and humorous insert published with the final issue of each university term. Articles that are part of The Tin Soldier are not meant to be taken literally or seriously.
Hay hay hay, I am taking a break from drinking beer to share some fashion tips I have discovered in my time as a fashion engineering student. Below is a list of my top five tips for looking like a formidable fashionista.
Rule #1: Camo everything, contrasting patterns make you more interesting and more likely blend into any landscape you come across.
Rule #2: Always wear white athletic socks with your formal wear, it will ensure you are able to run away from the hordes of girls attracted to your fashion sense.
Rule #3: The older the t-shirt, the better, especially if you received it for free. This shows that you are into vintage styles and more likely to appreciate more free stuff.
Rule #4: Always wear leggings as pants, less is more. Jeggings are event better for those who have trouble making choices between jeans and leggings.
Rule #5: Wear coveralls to all social gatherings, this will ensure people think you are hands-on and just came off the construction site from a hard day’s work.
My female fashion forecast for the summer is poodle skirts, bustles, and wearing underwear as outerwear. The male forecast is elevator shoes, fanny packs, and fractal patterns. Remember fashion friends, stay sexy!
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