Editor’s Note: This article is published in print as part of The Tin Soldier – a satirical and humorous insert published with the final issue of each university term. Articles that are part of The Tin Soldier are not meant to be taken literally or seriously.
It has come to the attention of The Tin Soldier staff that it is time to take over The Iron Warrior. Unfortunately, since the Advisory Board positions are not available though general election, the best way of taking over would be to claim Editor-in-Chief (EIC) position. Since there is currently already an EIC, the following are suggestions on how to remove the EIC.
- Give them the job of EIC (it only takes 24 hours of this method for most people but some are more robust).
- Submit so many inappropriate comics that the EIC is overwhelmed.
- Talk the EIC’s profs into assigning too many assignments (preferably all due during production weekend).
- Get the EIC drunk on production weekends.
- Make the EIC’s computer crash.
- Make all the computers in the IW office crash.
- Make the EIC’s computer crash again (and maybe a third time for good measure).
- Make sure that the EIC’s laptop’s screen flickers.
- Cut off all internet within the IW office.
- Ensure that no articles are submitted until Monday morning.
- Starve the EIC all weekend (steal ALL the cookies).
- Play loud music in the IW office (preferably a repetitive theme such as Ni**as in Paris)
- Write letters of complaint to the Advisory Board regarding the EIC
- Report the EIC as Dictator of Approved Content to the Human Rights Tribunal
- Unleash squirrels in the IW office (see Tin Soldier of Winter 2010 for reference)
- Reveal the cockroaches that hide beneath the carpet in the IW office.
- Feed the lactose-intolerant EIC milk.
- Replace the production computer/monitor with a cardboard replica
- Change the keyboard so that the keys don’t match
- “Accidentally” format the computer in the middle of a production weekend
- Move all the staff to the Imprint
- Move all the staff to ProMag
- Change the door code without telling the EIC
- Call the EIC some random name to confuse him (for example: Steve)
- Pretend you have a very loud imaginary friend so every time you talk to him, you shout. Loud. (With a megaphone if possible).
- Change the EIC’s ringtone to nyancat and start calling that phone.
- Distract the EIC by continuously taking photos of them while they are trying to work.
- Locate the phone number and extension for the EIC’s office phone. Call the phone repeatedly throughout production weekend. (preferably when you know the EIC is working late)
- Replace all the EIC’s caffeinated beverages with non-caffeinated beverages.
Note that The Tin Soldier does not accept responsibility for anything published in this article or anywhere else in The Tin Soldier.
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