*** The Tin Soldier is intended to be a humorous and entertaining look at issues and events at the University of Waterloo. As such articles should not be taken to represent real events or opinions, and they should not be associated with the University of Waterloo staff or administration in any way. Any similarities to real world events, people or corporations is purely coincidental – or non-coincidental but meant in an entirely joking manner.***
As reported in some other “campus newspaper”, the Mathematics society Coffee and Donuts (CnD) shop has hit hard financial times and is in debt. The reported losses are staggering, reaching close to $100 000 with likely no plan in place to reduce that number in the near future. The amount of debt is currently in dispute with some saying it’s much less than the reported amount, but really guys? How hard can it be to count money, or in this case, a lack thereof.
It was only 17 years ago that an article was published in The Iron Warrior stating how the Engineering Society CnD could learn from the Math CnD, as at one time the Eng CnD did apparently pale in comparison. The table has since turned with the Engineering CnD as financially healthy as a non-profit could ever be – and we did it by stealing Math CnD employees. Yes, that’s right, but that’s another story.
With MathSoc on the brink of financial collapse, the Engineering Society has decided to use its cashcow to help bail out the Math CnD. For $50 000, which was labeled as “pocket change” by one Engineering CnD insider, the Math CnD has been saved for the time being. The Mathematics Society has guaranteed the loan by betting the house. If the math society defaults on the loan, the Engineering Society has all rights to every asset MathSoc owns.
One of those assets is the famous pink tie which is generally put up each frosh week and where a tie “guard” is set up each night to prevent theft. A tie guard, in this age? If anyone was to even try stealing it in today’s age, it’s highly unlikely the tie guard would try to go vigilante and stop the thieves. If anything, they’d likely just cry to police services and whine like an 8 year old until the tie was returned by its captors. Something like that would just never fly today, but again, that’s another story.
Another one of those assets is MathNEWS- while being “separate” from the society, the math publication still collects their operating cash through their faculty student society. The Engineering Society already has a plan for MathNEWS, and its called ‘saving money by not printing on 8.5×11″ paper’. It’s simple math (aren’t they supposed to be good at that?) – 12 sides – let’s assume $0.05 per sheet – that’s $0.60 per copy for 1122 square inches of printing space. The Iron Warrior on the other hand is about $0.25 per copy and a typical copy has over 3 times the printing space of a typical MathNEWS issue…
In all, EngSoc welcomes MathSoc as a debtor, and leaves these tips to try to turn the CnD around: 1.) Lower the price of your coffee – you’ll sell more AND make more money. 2.) Have food and drink in stock – I heard you kind of need to have that in order to make money.
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