Humour

Healthy Bakin’ with Bacon

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Om nom nom nom! How else can you describe the savoury, sweet taste of nature’s greatest creation?  There is an endless list of adjectives to describe the mouth watering flavour and smell of the best that pork has to offer.  If there is one thing a university student ought to know it is to cook bacon at least 12 different ways. Along with fruits and vegetables bacon is essential to your daily diet, if you are not eating bacon at least once a day you are not leading a healthy lifestyle.  How do you think Lance Armstrong won all those Tour de Frances? And Michael Phelps won all his gold medals? Bacon…and lots of it.

There are a variety of ways that nature’s treat can be cooked: pan fry, microwave, bake.  Of these the most essential is the pan fry.  This method allows the bacon to be cooked to the preferred crispiness and also leaves the delicious bacon nectar behind, aka bacon grease, to be used as both an anti-stick substance, and as a flavour enhancer in future meals like: eggs, pancakes, grilled cheese, pork chops and bacon. So throw out that old canola oil or Pam, and go au naturel!

Most people associate bacon with eggs. Although this may be a tasty combo, it is a culinary tragedy to limit bacon, with all its diversity and dietary benefits, to only one meal. Bacon makes everything better. Name any food that is not improved by bacon and you are a liar. If living in residence has taught us anything, it is that any shitty meal (and I mean shitty), can be improved exponentially with the addition of bacon. Whether it is a peanut butter and bacon sandwich, canned soup with bacon, Kraft dinner with bacon bits or just bacon and good old pink lemonade, bacon has made otherwise gag worthy meals into tasty treats.

Bacon, however, need not be relegated to a tool used for making crummy meals better. It is also common in the higher realm of cooking. Ask any of the world’s most famous chefs what their favourite cooking tool is and we can guarantee you that they will say bacon. If they don’t, then they aren’t famous. From pasta to seafood to soup, bacon has proven its place in culinary culture.

I know what you’re thinking by now: “Sure bacon tastes orgasmic, but the scientists and doctors say that bacon is bad for my health.” Well that’s just a blatant lie.  It’s because these so called experts fail to take the whole picture into account. Sure, bacon MIGHT clog your arteries and MIGHT increase chances of heart disease, but it provides some much needed happiness in your otherwise sorry day. If you are feeling down, there is nothing better than a good dose of bacon. A happier person is a healthier person! And because bacon equals happiness, bacon also equals healthiness! So to hell with the ‘experts,’ bacon is one of the main keys to a happy and healthy life.

One more note before we sign off, don’t be fooled by any of the poser bacon out there. Whether it is turkey, chicken, or dare I say “vegetarian,” these so called bacon impersonators are more fake then Pamela Anderson’s knockers. Stick to pork, that’s the way nature wanted it. So next time you want to enjoy a well deserved meal of your favourite porky snack, don’t feel guilty, you’re doing your body and your mind a favour!