Tin Soldier

ECE Faculty Invests Research into Vacuum Technologies to Enable First-Years to Suck Harder.

One unnamed ECE Faculty executive, Sir Simarjeet Saini, Sr. said Sunday surely some senior students shall savor the chance to do research with new vacuum cleaners to ensure that first years will continue to suck harder. “It used to just be failing physics, which I don’t understand that they don’t understand why they
don’t understand why I don’t understand how they could be so bad at physics. Not only did we not teach them, but we also had mandatory quizzes which the whole class failed, yet they still failed the midterm. However, the times are changing.”

Professor Paxton Peterson, PhD, P. Eng pointedly ponders reverting back to passing only one student a term “I remember the good old days when the class average could be 13% and they’d celebrate that someone would graduate, now they’re so picky about how awful they have to be.”

Whether it’s skipping a whole class with no practical assignments, and then whining about a 55% average for having to do the same as a math 135 assignment in only four months, collectively having all-nighter  hackathons to deal with marmoset test cases changing in real time, or cheating on an ethics course, the new ECE classes are certainly sucking a lot harder. Alumni and writer Westley Williamson wrestles with the possibility of the new ECE classes being able to keep sucking more. “While we doubt this year of engineers will be able to control the new ION trains – in fact, we doubt that they can do anything – the next years will maintain the age old tradition of sucking harder.”

New speculation into the possibilities involve the first year class being so dense they form a singularity, collectively doing all assignments and exams as a whole class, requesting that they express all the communications elective in the form of copying Wikipedia pages, and complaining that they have to write tests after paying all of tuition. The new vacuum technology is still an open field and will provide more extensive context on how to ensure first years can continue to suck as badly as they do.

In other news, to teach recursion, ECE’s full name is now “Electrical and Computer ECE”.

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