According to latest research done by an underground team of scientists, it has emerged that Daylight Savings Time leads to an increase in deaths and the shortening of lifespan for human beings.
A reporter at the Tin Soldier had the honour of discussing these results with one of the lead researchers of the team, who preferred being kept anonymous to protect themselves from intellectual property theft. “From [the] data we’ve dug up, we find a strong correlation between increase in death rates and DST. This correlation exists since the year DST was introduced (1916). Prior to 1916, with the data we have, we see no such trend” says the researcher. For example, the data for 2018 shows the average hourly death rate doubling between 2 to 3 a.m. on the 4th of November.
“Many people have been complaining about missing an hour from one of their days every year since 1916. We have letters of complaints to the Ministry of Time Management to prove this,” another researcher contributed. This year, the ministry saw a huge influx in letters on March 11, all of them complaining about a lost hour (2am – 3am). “If you consider the average life span of a human being to be 80 years, then for every human born since 1916, they’ve lost 80 hours of their life, which amounts to a little over 3 days.” says the first researcher. “With the amount of value that time has, for 3 days of your life to just go missing is something serious to worry about.”
“Some skeptics say that our findings are baseless. Apparently, just because we move an hour behind, it doesn’t mean that death rates double, nor is an hour missing if we move ahead. This disagreement is based on flawed logic used by our opponents to undermine us. It’s said, each moment is unique. If every moment is different, how can you consider the hours to be the same?” the researchers argue.
Well, that sure is something to ponder.
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