9 out of 10 experts polled said that the wackiest East-Asian country is North Korea. The outlier said Japan, but only because of the recent upward trend in body pillow sales there. The Hermit Kingdom has been quiet lately, but that can only mean that they’re building for some future potentially-war-causing shenanigans. I’m going to outline five recent things that show off the strangeness of the secluded nation.
Their First Lady is MIA
While Kim Jong-un is the recognizable face of the Northern peninsula, up until March of this year, his wife Ri Sol-ju commonly appeared with him. While the reason behind Ri’s disappearance could be that she simply doesn’t have the desire to travel around the country anymore to factory site visits and military institutions, there are many theories. Ri may be pregnant with the heir to North Korea’s throne. The happy couple may have had a bit of a falling out. One of the darker theories is that Ri crossed Kim Yo-jong, Kim Jong-un’s younger sister. Kim Yo-jung is thought to be the power behind the throne in North Korea, and was recently made the head of the Propaganda and Agitation department. Unsubstantiated rumours also suggest that Ri was close with Jang Song-thaek, Kim Jong-un’s uncle, who was executed last year because of crimes against the state.
They Have a Family of American Film Stars
Fleeing crimes in South Korea in the 1960s, American soldier Joe Dresnok tried to get to the USSR through North Korea. He was captured and, because of his looks, was installed as an actor playing the villain in almost every propaganda film made by the nation. The decision maker in this process was none other than Kim Jong-il himself. It turns out that Kim was a major movie buff, who even screened bootlegs of American horror movies to seduce the girls during his college years. Dresnok continued to work as an actor until he retired, when his sons took over for him. The two sons also do the majority of the English voice dubs for the Korean films.
They Have a Bizarre Internet Presence
Recently, the regionally-blocked web sites belonging to North Korea were leaked. All 28 of them. Access to the websites was quickly revoked, but screen captures of most can be found on Reddit. The majority of the websites had to do with the government’s various departments, as well as bashing the South Korean government and promoting Kim Jong-un’s reign. There are also rumours circulating that the North Korean government is paying internet commenters around the world to bash the South Korean President wherever and whenever they can. The idea behind this is to disrupt her plans for re-election next year.
They May be Planning Some Extreme Military Action
Kim Jong-un went on a recent trip to view tactical exercises by the nation’s Special Forces. During the trip he told the soldiers that they were to “put a sharp dagger in the enemy’s heart and break its back.” North Korea also talks frequently about their capability to hit many viable targets with nuclear weapons. In reality they likely don’t have the capabilities to hit anything further away than the Sea of Japan. Unfortunately, that range does include South Korea. This estimate is of course assuming that the North isn’t holding back some super-secret military breakthrough.
They Just Got Pranked by a Pair of Australians
A pair of amateur golfers from Australia found the application for North Korea’s official golf tournament online and applied, posing as their national team. They emailed in applications and were accepted. They spent five days in the North Korean capital Pyongyang, played in the two-day tournament, and were given a tour of the city. Their caddies were not pleased with their performance on the links, stating that one of them “brought great shame to [his] family” after shooting a 120. They returned to Australia without issue. Upon discovering that they had been hoodwinked, the North Korea government demanded that the two return to Pyongyang and apologize. I don’t know what the pair intends to do, but I for one wouldn’t go back.
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