Being in engineering is a crucible. Before I ever arrived on campus, I expected that it would be difficult, but I must say, the rigour and intensity has surpassed even my anticipation.
Recently, though, I think I’ve begun to understand why engineering has been a male-dominated field for so long.
I don’t know if I speak on behalf of the average female, but when I mess up, – be it on an assignment, quiz, test, or whatever – I berate myself. I logically know that I shouldn’t because it does nothing to change things for the better and, honestly, all it does is make me feel even worse. However, it’s my natural inclination to condemn myself. From that moment on, it’s a feedback loop of negativity: I think, “I must be stupid.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m a failure.”
As a woman, do I just care too much?
Do I try too hard to control things that are inherently out of my control even though I have done my absolute best to prepare for the worst?
I hope I’m not the only woman – or person, for the matter – whose most problems stem from everything that goes on in my mind.
Ironically, I think that’s what motivated me to pursue this education in engineering.
Our field boils down to serving people, whether it’s through providing them with infrastructure, products, services, ideas, or pretty much anything and everything in between. Caring is essential to being human, and despite the jokes we crack, engineering students are, indeed, human.
Mortal though we may be, we are trained to do the near impossible – solve a myriad of problems. Admittedly, some are easier to solve than others are; some involve too many politics, try to defy too many status quos that are borderline untouchable, or encompass too many ideals which we hope to achieve. But since we have chosen to trek through the journey to becoming engineers, attempting to rise above the adversity of any one of these goals must all enchant us in some way or another.
In the end, a crucible is only a crucible if you perceive it as one.
Our own minds are our greatest enemy, yet they are also our greatest asset. Once we change our mindset, we can change our perception, our thoughts, our behaviours, and our lives.
As a woman in engineering, I can be strong and fearless. I can believe that I will eventually become a successful engineer despite feeling like a relatively weak math and science student compared to the rest of my peers and having perhaps too much of a passion for the liberal arts for somebody who’s studying a STEM subject. I can be assured in that I will overcome the obstacles that I will inevitably encounter.
However, I must also recognize that I will fall. I will make mistakes. I will have regrets. I will beat myself up. I will question whether or not I deserve to be here. (In fact, these thoughts have already sprung to mind – multiple times at that.)
But that’s okay – because plenty of women (and men!) have all been through what we are experiencing now, have lived to tell the tale, and have left or continue to leave their unique imprint on the world.
Leave a Reply