[DISCLAIMER: NOTHING IN THIS ARTICLE HAS ANY SUBSTANCE AND SHOULD BE TAKING WITH POUNDS OF GRAINS OF SALT. THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OF THE IRON WARRIOR NEWSPAPER OR THAT OF A REAL PERSON.]
Many students in the co-op program at the University of Waterloo have been voicing their complaints about the co-op system and the job posting website, JobMine. Even in the engineering department, students are finding the co-op system to heavily favour the employers. However, I believed that the employers are not getting enough out of this deal, even though CECA is just trying to make the employers happy. This is why I propose that students should understand where the CECA is coming from. We should appease the employers and CECA to keep the CECA happy because they give us jobs and help pay for out tuition. Really, we should be worshipping the employers and CECA like gods.
Webster’s dictionary defines appeasement as something. I don’t know what Webster defines it. You can look it up in a dictionary. What I do know is that we should make employers and the CECA as happy as possible. Without employers, students would have no jobs and there would be no co-op program if there were no jobs. This means that we should allow employers to push the boundaries as to what is allowed from student labour: painting fences, lifting construction materials, cleaning windows. You know, slave labour. Not saying that students who are being paid a reasonable amount of money to do physical work is slave labour, but employers who need young, strapping, able bodied employees can always find someone kind of willing to work for minimum pay. Any with so many strapping young men and women who are also nearly broke, they would be willing to do almost anything for money. I am not saying that CECA pimps out students but I just wrote the words “CECA pimps out students” in that order. Don’t take my words out of context, readers. You can also find people willing to do boring repetitive tasks for cheap too that most people wouldn’t want to do. So by appeasing the employers, the CECA is looking out for the students like how Neville Chamberlain looked out for Czechoslovakia by allowing the annexation of the Czech border areas. Why should the CECA bother themselves with a quarrel in a far-away country between people of who we know nothing of?
So students, how can you do your part to make the employers and CECA happy? Take the blame for evvverrryyyyyyttthhhhiiinnnggggg. That everything was elongated like that to emphasize that everything means everything imaginable. Did you get ranked for a job for unsatisfying menial work, for terrible pay, in a country far far away? Go for it because, if you don’t the CECA will punish you for it! The employers understand that you are not that interested in the work and are willing to hire someone else? Punish the student anyways! Who cares if everything would have worked out well in the end? Remember that students need a healthy fear of the CECA. Make sure you do everything right or else CECA will explode and ban you from JobMine. This borderline abusive relationship between the CECA and the students is just so the students know who is in charge and can be kept in line. They bring in the money and if we don’t do as they say, they will cut us off. We can’t have that. CECA are good people and they keep us employed. CECA makes sure we get practical work experience and networking and interview skills but cross the line and the CECA will slam the Ban Hammer on your ass. Fear CECA, Love CECA, CECA is love, CECA is life. Remember “You are here forever” for six work terms. (I think, I do not remember the exact number, there are a lot of things to remember in life.)
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