Just the facts:
- In August, 2010, Rob Ford was elected mayor of Toronto; he vowed to “end the gravy train” in Toronto. He did not specify what he planned to do with the excess gravy.
- For the first few months, Ford followed his election promises–cutting councillor’s budgets and removing vehicle registration tax.
- Ford was accused in March 2012 of breaching the Municipal Conflict of Interest Act; controversy breaks out.
- In August 2012, Rob Ford admits, when confronted with photographic evidence, that yes, he was “probably” reading while driving.
- Probably.
- That November, Ford was ordered to be removed from office, due to the conflict-of-interest issues. He fought the order in court, and managed to hold onto his office.
- An election rival accused Ford of “grabbing her ass” and making suggestive comments towards her. However, she provides absolutely no evidence. Ford’s chief of staff released a statement saying that the mayor had not been drunk, and was drinking only water- a rather specific denial as no one had made such a suggestion.
- On May 16th this year, a video surfaced that some alleged to show the mayor smoking crack cocaine. Ford denies that the person appearing in the video was him, calling the idea “ridiculous.”
- Ford later declares that he does not use crack, and that the video in question does not exist.
- DNE
- In August, videos began to appear, showing a visibly intoxicated Rob Ford. This time, he insists that he had only “a couple of beers,” seemingly unaware that this makes him appear to be a massive lightweight. Pun shamelessly intended.
- On Halloween, Police Chief Bill Blair declares that the police had recovered a video showing Ford doing various crack-like things. Blair maintained that the police had no “reasonable” grounds to charge the mayor. There was no explanation given for this; the only think we can be sure of is that no corruption was involved whatsoever. Nope.
- Ford finally apologises for his drunken buffoonery in early November, as there is nothing to be gained by denying it. He claims that his crack use had happened during “one of his drunken stupors,” because that makes everything better. New videos appear, involving Ford acting like a large, angry drunk.
- This is opposed to his live appearances, where he tastefully confines himself to obscenities and references to oral sex.
- Court documents show that Ford’s co-workers saw him drunk both at work and while driving, associating with prostitutes, and buying illegal drugs in office. We hope this means “while mayor” and not literally in his office.
- Fed up with all of the shenanigans, the city council votes to strip Ford of several of his powers.
- We apologise for using the word “strip” in the same sentence as “Rob Ford”
- Rob Ford, backed by his brother Doug, calls this action a “coup” and declares the he will fight back.
- The premier of Ontario has discussed stepping in, but says that she will only do so if necessary. No word on what would make it “necessary;” an atomic bomb would probably do it, though.
- The council is attempting to strip Ford of as many powers as possible in the future.
Our best guess?
Rob Ford is trying to be Silvio Berlusconi, but is doing it wrong.
Sooooo wrong.
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