Every year, the Faculty of Engineering conducts a debt load survey to determine how much debt each student is carrying throughout their undergraduate careers. This past week, the results of last year’s survey were released and had a number of surprising results. The most shocking of these, was that engineering student debt has risen over 31.415% year over year.
In response to this announcement, the Faculty appointed Professor Aigit Nomony, of the new Department of Engineering Business Trades (DEBT), to the newly-created position of Associate Dean, Debt (ADD). Professor Nomony stated that he “hopes to work to the root of this problem as soon as possible, no matter what it takes.” Another member of the faculty who wished to remain anonymous also stated that “appointing someone from DEBT to ADD is a [redacted] [redacted] mother [redacted] [redacted] zeppelin [redacted] [redacted] decision.”
A few days after the appointment of Professor Nomony, the faculty provided a few more details on what the key contributors were towards this debt load increase. The largest of these contributors, was video game purchases through the online game platform, Steam. Professor Nomony, in this announcement stated that “every year Steam has been increasing the frequency of its sales. From both AIF forms of new students and the results of this survey, the number of engineers would consider themselves ‘gamers’ has increased as well. This has resulted in a deadly contagion on the wallets of our students.”
The faculty made a number of suggestions to try to fix this problem. First, they recommended that IST extensively throttle all connections to Steam as a preventative measure for students buying so many games during sales. Second, they recommended that students spend more of their time outside and doing other fun activities such as hopscotch, jump rope, skipping, and making loud noises at phallic objects. Third, they recommend students learn from their mandatory economics course and invest their money into safe high-return investments instead of video games.
Results of a new survey on time management will be released next week. Rumors are that the game “League of Legends” will be featured and have a similar response from the faculty.
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