In a lengthy press release through its publication which no one reads, The Iron Warrior announced on its latest issue that each stream of the newspaper will “decouple” from one another, dismantling the Advisory Board that consisted of an equal and representative selection of members from each stream. In its place, there will be two Advisory Boards of three members each, which will not ask each other for approval and effectively share an office and a general structure. The press release reads as follows:
The Iron Warrior ‘A’ members of the Advisory Board would like to announce that the Advisory Board has agreed to propose decoupling our publications at the next Advisory Board meeting. All members of the Advisory Board have definitely been briefed on this multiple times beforehand and this will be beneficial to both publications. The ‘B’ members completely support this idea and can’t wait to pass it at the upcoming meeting. No seriously, they love it even more than we do. We shit you not.
This proposal will work out for both publications in a beneficial way. Each board will be able to better serve their publications without having to discuss their decisions with the other board. Our members feel that having to discuss their issues with members of the other stream is a fruitless exercise, as we have to reason through our arguments and justify to others why their ideas were useful. “I don’t really like having to ask the members on The-Stream-That-Must-Not-Be-Named about their opinion and approval, because I quite frankly don’t care,” stated Lucas Hudson, the current editor of The Iron Warrior. “I do what I want, so deal with it.”
The ‘B’ members on the Board were initially taken aback at the turn of events, but eventually came to accept that the proper way of dealing with their problems was through avoidance and division. They entirely agree with our method for going forward and are very excited to have this pass. “Wait, what?” agreed Alex Lee, the upcoming ‘B’ editor of The Iron Warrior. “Shouldn’t we talk about our issues together and compromise?”
As stated before, this proposal is in the best interest of the students and publications. At the next meeting, our stream will present a motion to remove the ‘B’ members from our Advisory Board for not acting in the best interest of the publication, as they do not listen to what we say and vote against our motions because they disagree.
The publications will not share any structure, save for a few items in our new Policy Manual, which will state that the Editor-in-Chief runs The Iron Warrior and that we will use the same office. However, furniture is off-limits, so back off B-Board and buy your own chairs.
We feel strongly that this will not create a divide between publications and increase cohesion between boards, by not discussing shared issues and fending for ourselves. We also feel that doing what we want and not consulting with the other board will be beneficial to promoting further spirit, attracting members, and building unity between our two publications. We look forward to seeing the benefits of these actions going forward.
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