What Iron Rings are (Not) Really Meant For

Now that us fourth years have received our Iron Rings, we felt it was important to highlight some of the do’s and don’ts around these fine hoops of stainless steel. It is important to note that these are only recommendations, and Gradcomm does not take any responsibility for your own stupidity.

The Do’s

1. When at a get together, and BEvERages are being served, why not show off your ring in a feat of strength? Hold your ringed hand against the side of an unopened bottle, palm in, fingers pointing down. With one sharp movement, bring your hand upward, allowing your ring to catch the underside of the bottle cap. If all goes well, the cap will pop off. It may take multiple attempts depending on the type of cap as well as your hand-eye coordination.
2. Your ring is a symbol of the knowledge you have gained. Most of this knowledge, however, is not useful for everyday work. Therefore, lessen the load on your brain and transfer that knowledge to someone else. The best method is to tap your ring against someone’s forehead. Dents speed up the transfer process.
3. Most touch device owners have their own stylus, but who are we kidding, those get lost almost immediately. Save some cash and use your ring as a replacement.
4. Getting diagnosed with itchy nose syndrome only shows that you spend too much time showing off your ring. Keep up the good work!
5. How big is yours? In life, everything is a size contest. Asking whose is bigger only firmly solidifies this mentality.
6. Weddings are a perfect time to take advantage of your pinkie’s mobility. Clink on that glass and make the couple kiss. Do it more than once just to draw attention to your ring.
7. What the hell, clink on glasses all the time because you are on obnoxious fourth year!

The Don’ts

1. Don’t get it too tight! A trip to the hospital to cut it off only proves you weren’t worthy of the ring. True engineers would use floss to take it off.
2. Don’t get it too loose! You may become that person who lost the ring between IRC and IRS.
3. The ring is not a tool (other than what was described in Do.1) Yes, steel is strong, but why tempt fait trying to bend it?
4. Don’t ever use it as a ring on … other parts of your body. Do we need to elaborate?
5. Totems can be cool. But your ring is not one. We assure you, this world is real and you will just end up losing your ring.

What we have provided you is a starting point. These are guidelines to help you develop a strong relationship with your ring. It is up to you to develop your own personalized list to ensure you and your ring are happy together for many years to come.