We don’t normally do this, but we’d like to preface this week’s column with a disclaimer. All these talkers have accomplished many great things and we consider them to be incredibly successful and impressive … but we’re still more handsome (with the exception of Bill Tatham). This article is just us nitpicking and exaggerating certain aspects of their talks. This note is not for them; if they let two ridiculously handsome undergrads get them down, they would never have made it far enough to be chosen to speak of their successes at a TED event. This note is for you assholes who will think this is offensive: grow a pair … of sentimentalities: namely of humour and of context.
This week we were assigned by the editor of the paper to cover Waterloo’s TEDxUW conference (no, really) in a move that was about as brilliant as she is, and twice as handsome. We didn’t know half of the speakers’ talks half as well as we should like, and liked half the speakers half as well as they deserve, but intend to write with unwavering assurance and authority all the same. This year the theme chosen for TEDx was EDGE, and a sense of edginess permeated throughout the event from the décor to the Arts-Student-Unionist thugs to the Nanorobotics Group with their novel new material “carbon black” to the UW Waterboys’ rendition of “Backstreet’s Back”. We were given the opportunity to experience both the DC live-screen event as well as the main event at QNC, and can tell you now that the experience among the “over 200 students at DC” was just as riveting. So this week for Topz, we’ve decided to deliver to you the skinny on the top talks from TEDxUW 2012.
Denise Donlon: Although not an actual speaker at the TEDxUW conference, the Master of Ceremonies could not go without recognition. From apologizing to Dr. Geoff Fong for calling him “Geoff Wong” with a deep bow, to prefacing Bill Thompson’s talk with “…rock-bottom, how about that … our next speaker is Bill Thompson”, to repeatedly reprimanding the audience for downloading music, Ms. Donlon was on fire. Super edgy.
Andrew Wong: In his talk on organizing a youth delegation to the UN’s Conference on Sustainable Development in Rio at the age of only 19, Andrew Wong urged people to “keep the ideas of [his] childhood in [their] head”. Despite an on-and-off sore throat which forced Wong to deliver his talk in a dramatic whisper with heavy emphasis on 64% of his words, he still managed to convey his moving story about how accomplished he was. Andrew, inspired by the plight a polar bear he saw in the arctic, organized a group of young people who also cared about the environment, and through their hard work and dedication they went to Rio and were able to meet a lot of really important people. But it wasn’t smooth sailing, there were a lot of challenges he overcame: as he pointed out, “nobody tells you how to work as a team over different timezones” when you don’t have access to Google (another overcome difficulty, we presume). He told us how he met with David Suzuki himself, and because of his diligence and passion, had sushi with David and his family. One day you too, might have the edge to eat sushi with Suzuki and on that day you will be a man who “put childish ways behind you”, just like Andrew. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tock.
Bill Tatham: We actually have nothing snarky to say about Bill Tatham. His talk on healthcare reform was as extraordinary as he is extraordinarily handsome. We wish him the best of luck in the future, in spite of the JobMine algorithm.
Andrew Maxwell: In his talk, “Trust: The [other] Relationship Lubricant”, Andrew Maxwell talked about how to get a research grant for watching five seasons of CBC’s “Dragon’s Den”. Maxwell cracked the code to being able to have a good professional relationship between an entrepreneur and investor. Apparently investors like to trust entrepreneurs that they find and trustworthiness. Allegedly, your ability to trust can be affected by having a bad experience. You can also “damage trust by acting in a non-trusting manner”. There is also mistrust and distrust, mistrust being trust that can retrustified and distrust irreparably trustless. You have to trust the trustworthiness of this trusted and trusting truster. Trust. Tock. Trust. Tock. Trust.
Ami Richter: Next Ami Richter gave her talk on eugenics entitled, “Matching Your Calling to Your DNA”. Ami Richter told the story her great successes in life, and realizing that she had to find some kind of message to it tacked on a “be yourself”. After all, as Ami said, “I’m just an everyday girl but I followed my DNA, my following, … and look at all the people I’ve rubbed shoulders with”. Yes, following her sage advice on edge of “be yourself”, “any decisions along the way really affected my path”, and “don’t burn bridges” so that you might rub notable shoulders. So go to your local geneticist and run a gel electrophoresis so that you, too, can meet Oprah.
Cassandra Cole: Although we really liked Cass Cole’s talk on “Choosing Crazy”, how to stay true to yourself despite the societal norms of what it means to be a woman or an engineer, this was not a universal sentiment. Volunteer Nizar Hasan felt that “Cass Cole’s talk was definitely my least favourite.” In response, Ms. Cole had to say “I really like the big picture of me in the red room.”
There was a third portion of the event which featured an Olympic gold medalist, a Larry-Smith-wannabe, and a woman who actually wanted to get pregnant, but at this point the caffeine was losing its grip (it held out longer for us than for incoming EngSoc President David Birnbaum who fell asleep during Geoff Fong’s talk on how to be an effective leader) and the pot was just gaining its hold, so the majority of our notes are about who was hot, who was not, and whether there would be more ice cream later in the day. Also they won’t let us write anymore words for fear this column might get noticed outside our reader-base in the DPRK satellite campus. Shout-outs to Pyongyang!
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