When it comes to four legged mammals, geese clearly have this one in the bag! I mean, meese aren’t even grammatically correct! But then again, the shit’s hit the fan with this issue and grammar has long since been abandoned. It looks like I’ll need to win this point the old fashioned way; by throwing shit at the opponent.
First off, meese would lose so badly in a fight against the geese. Have you seen how vicious the geese are? They can stop you from getting to exams! The only thing the meese can do is stand in your way! Now you may be thinking that they are just small creatures, what can they do against the massively sized meese? The answer is in the numbers. SWARMS. They attack in massive swarms, easily able to overwhelm just about anything. The geese are vicious, and intelligent, able to follow you and hunt you down across campus. Just look at those seemingly innocent looking beaks: you can just tell that they’re planning something, and when it comes, you’d best be prepared.
Now let’s move onto the real shit. Meese are disgusting, destructive animals to society. They shit all over the place, making it impossible to avoid their disgusting shit. Geese, on the other hand, can be productive with their shit. The “Loose Goose” design project (published in a previous Tin Soldier) has a way to convert shit to fuel. Think of the possibilities! Geese shit could sustain the energy needs of an entire community, while the only thing moose shit can do is stink up the place.
Now you may all be thinking “But geese are just small, scrawny animals. How can they stand up to the majestic meese?” Simple. Geese don’t need to be majestic when they can be fear inducing. These terrifying beasts can fly, raining down hell upon all those that dare oppose them. Death from the skies in massive, vicious swarms. You best think twice before opposing these deadly overlords.
And yet, for all of their deadliness, geese are still better people than meese by far. Geese are loyal to the end, never abandoning a fallen comrade in the heat of battle, nor the duration of migration. And they are lazy. These geese know how to live. So if you want to make it to the next year alive, you’d best be embracing our new feathered overlords, and hoping that their far-more-intelligent-than-meese brains find enough mercy to let you live.
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