A Waterloo engineering professor at the University of Waterloo has recently been accused of copying the fashion sense of a local man. Earlier this year, the professor in question (who cannot be named pending further investigation) appeared on campus dressed in a manner that university officials and students alike called “deeply disturbing.” While the combination of short shorts and a trench coat was bad enough, a Kingston man has come forward claiming that this particular combination was modelled exactly after an outfit he had appeared in for the majority of the previous year.
Mr. Jackass McLovin, of no fixed address, insists that he has a prior claim on the combination, which he says that he has been wearing “on and off, since 1993.” In a message left scratched on the Iron Warrior’s door, McLovin said, “all tHose clothes he wearing are MINE copied eXackly not evin [expletive] alterd or Nothing.” Though Dr. —- has acknowledged the similarity between the two outfits, none of the items of clothing are actually identical.
According to McLovin, the idea behind the ensemble was far more significant than the items themselves. “How do i kno what this prefes perfesssess perfessor is planning to do dressin like me? Everything i wear i need for a REASON. he says he never saw me butt i dont beleve it. he mite be trying to replace me and im the ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS. that coates not just a coat it keeps the aliens from seeing me and for all i know hes working with the ALIENS.”
Administrators and officials say that the university is looking into McLovin’s assertions immediately. “We take all accusations of this kind very seriously,” said an anonymous source. “We wish to make it clear that while this claim is somewhat unprecedented, we are investigating with due diligence and hope to make an appropriate decision as soon as possible.”
While the University of Waterloo does not have a dress code, our source says that “common decency applies” and that although the allegations “may seem ridiculous on the surface, our institution should not lose its respectability.”
Some Waterloo staff and students believe that this incident ought to be a learning experience for the entire campus and a possible springboard for change. In particular, several members of the Faculty of Arts have suggested that a mandatory two-week fashion course ought to be necessary for graduation. “A lot of people think this might have all been one big mistake,” reported one arts student. “All of us know that engineers don’t really know how to look pretty. I’m sure that engineering students can make some time to learn this important life skill.”
No engineering faculty members could be reached for comment.
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