Clouds hung over the Light Green Frosh’s head, both literally and figuratively, that fateful Tuesday morning as he headed out to the first day of orientation. With his eyes following the green string of destiny taped to the ground that would lead him to his headquarters, he raised his head to find that he had stepped into a strange land of imagination – his world had suddenly become Hyrule, his idol, the Triforce, and his princess, Zelda. Consumed by a strange mixture of excitement for all the new experiences, as well as anxiety over all the new challenges, he felt disconnected from the loud and enthusiastic Zelda themed cheers, where a loud, “WHO GOT THE TRIFORCE?!” was met with a resounding, “LIGHT GREEN!” However, as the week progressed, he felt his anxiety slip away, replaced by the hoarse voice of way too much cheering.
The Light Blue Frosh had a similar story to tell. She had donned her shirt with a certain immediate pride, the kind that made her immediately smile at anyone she spotted wearing the same colour and Greek designs. Her destination in the vast world of Imaginationland was Olympus, where walls were adorned with homages to Poseidon, Hades, and even the mighty Zeus. She had quickly learned the songs of her people. When asked her profession, she would unhesitatingly cry out “AHOO! AHOO! AHOO!”, and reminding the other competitors that “We will, we WILL smite you!” But above all of the others, she learned the mighty hymn shared amongst all engineers, the one that would unite the other colours into a single, shouting rainbow. “We are, we are, we are the engineers! …”
The festivities began as the Frosh sat in the crowded lecture hall to meet the Dean. The sombre and refined air suddenly dissipated as the room went dark. Amidst total confusion, in marched a chain clad, unsmiling party of people with awesome hair and tools who were also wearing suave shades. As they stood commandingly over the lecture hall, they spoke with absolute authority, totally ignoring the bewildered expressions plastered on the faces of the Frosh. They are at the top of their classes – some were even TAs. Specially trained in safety and anti-smiling, they had thrown away their names in order to become simply one entity – EDCOM. They were not to be taken lightly. When being addressed, nothing less than “sir” or “ma’am” would suffice. They were omniscient. They never made mistakes. They decided all. Imaginationland ran by the rules of EDCOM, and disobeying was simply not an option. It became clear to the frosh that all the events, activities and competitions of the week would boil down to one thing. IMPRESS EDCOM.
That opportunity came earlier than expected as the Frosh were hurled into a series of events to earn their yellow hardhats. However, by that time, the (literal) clouds overhead had begun to pour rain, disrupting many of the events. For instance, the path of Bigs that frosh had to step on in order to cross the mud pit was replaced by wooden planks (The Light Green Frosh did not know there was actually a plank he was supposed to walk on…). Furthermore, the outdoor obstacle course was now moved into the cramped hallways (Again, he did not know there was an obstacle course – it just seemed like a huge line up). On the other hand, van stuffing went on without a hitch, and the spontaneous, EDCOM directed reenactment of another team’s theme was absolutely hilarious. Despite the rain making everyone wet and moist – except the Light Green Frosh who had anticipated rain and brought an umbrella – there were deafening cheers when the long sought-after hardhats were finally presented. Everyone bore the same yellow head protection, yet the Frosh left their headquarters brimming with a newfound sense of accomplishment and pride.
The pride was like a drug, where being part of such an exclusive (and obviously fantastic) group just gave the Light Blue Frosh a desire to do as much as possible to show her pride visibly. The helmet was a mighty crown, but needed a robe to match. To satisfy the insatiable, she found herself rising at an ungodly hour, whilst the other faculties still lay slumbering. The sun itself had not risen in time to witness the procession of the plummers. But if the Frosh had learned one thing during her week, it was that masochists seem to accumulate in the engineering faculty. There could be no other explanation for the dozens of frosh who would return to their residences with purple arms, legs, hair, and mischievous smiles. The truth of that morning still remains a mystery to many…
The days that followed brought many exciting new events and competitions. The twelve teams were pitted against each other in a massive competition known simply as Junkyard Wars. A massive pile of junk stood at the center of the Village 1 Green as the Frosh were led into the field and the leaders paraded in with the team mascots (Light Brown, representing LOTR, brought the Eye of Sauron on a giant tower!). As the competition begins the Frosh were split up to compete in the various outrageous events ranging from providing shade for EDCOM to constructing a gigantic catapult. The Light Green Frosh joined the I’m on a Boat team to create a floatation device that would hold the greatest weight in a kiddy pool (pillows float, right? RIGHT?!). While the frosh were busy building their creations, EDCOM was busy concocting their own creations. Human hotdogs were only one of the items on the menu, and the ingredients were none other than the Light Green Bigs and Huges, without, of course, any shortage of delicious condiments. That Thursday morning saw the birth and death of countless outrageous and outlandish creations.
As the winners of each event were announced and the cheers died down, the time to meet the Tool drew closer. To make room in the hearts of the frosh for the 60” chrome plated wrench known as the Tool, EDCOM completely destroyed all the mascots. After all, according to EDCOM, the only mascot the engineering frosh should now have was the Tool. Packed into Fed Hall, the frosh and orientation leaders eagerly awaited the arrival of the engineering mascot, chanting, “TOOL! TOOL! 60 INCH WRENCH!” Finally, the masked personal guard of the Tool appeared, holding in their arms the long rigid wrench (it was so rigid), and the hall erupted in cheers. Unable to touch the Tool with their unworthy hands, the Frosh had to satisfy themselves by simply stroking the mini-Tool. The sight of it reminded the Frosh of the many years of hard work that will follow before they finally become worthy of feeling the Tool.
The Frosh soon learned that EDCOM were not merely good-looking, hard-working, bear-wrestling enforcers of safety. They were wise upper years, who knew their way around campus better than most people know their own house. They were willing to pass on some of their wisdom to the frosh through a complex and mythical process they called the “Passage through the Polyverse.” Champions of each colour were selected to demonstrate the proper mastering of university life, including helping Froshie McFirstyear write their co-op résumé, keeping a balanced diet à la Swedish Chef, dodging EDCOM’s balls to stay healthy, and resisting the wet, spongy distractions of the internet while doing homework. In the end, one final brawl between the champions would decide a winner. Using the tools that they gained through their voyage of the polyverse, the battle signified how cruel the battle for survival outside of the university’s walls truly is. In the end, there was one victor per division; however, all the Light Blue Frosh can remember of the gruesome battle was that her champion, armed only with EDCOM’s pussy cat, was unable to beat all of the contenders. That was unfortunate.
The final orientation event kicked off at the team headquarters. Even after watching EDCOM brutally tear apart the Triforce, Light Green’s spirit still burned brightly in anticipation for SCUNT, the faculty scavenger hunt. SCUNT was comprised of several small events, with, of course, an actual scavenger hunt going on in the background. However, the items on the list could be described as unconventional at best; in fact, most of which were impossible to obtain, at least, legally. As a result, it seemed fitting, since the Frosh were in Imaginationland that points would be rewarded for imagination (Let’s make a ship out of space and call it a spaceship!).
In Imaginationland, things were never as they seemed. This should have tipped off the Light Blue Frosh of the true natures of the events to follow. However, she had never seen a game of chess played by EDCOM’s rules, where pieces moved less often than they were suddenly given laser vision and mirroring abilities, fought in a Pokémon battle, or spontaneously had all the amazing powers of sizzling bacon. In retrospect, a modern-day version of chess probably should include a nuclear warhead option, where the biggest explosion wins.
Meanwhile, the Light Green Frosh followed his leaders to join Sheep Herding. Greeted by EDCOM in the V1 green, the leaders were soon set against their Frosh as they became the shepherds whose duty it was to herd the sheep – now the Frosh, into an imaginary pen in the center. The rules of the game were simple enough, except with EDCOM, things were never simple, and in this game, EDCOM rules. Constantly changing the rules, EDCOM made the game more fun and enjoyable for the frosh (“Frosh! Sheep don’t walk on two legs!”). In the course of the game, some frosh became wolves in sheep’s clothing, the leaders became loud lawn mowers (They had to chase the frosh with their heads touching the ground at all times), and for nearly half the duration, EDCOM “blindfolded” the leaders.
Alex Trebek had nothing on EDCOM when it came to trivia. They were always positively supportive of the frosh when they made mistakes (“That sounds wrong, frosh.”) and would resist the temptations to jeer at some of the answers the sleep-deprived teams would give (“When have you ever heard the term ‘peachy brains’ used, Frosh?”). Once the winners of the Jeopardy! round were decided (EDCOM won by a landslide of 10 000 points), they would move on to the charades round. However, when the Light Blue Frosh was told to charade “Sweden,” to say she was slightly dismayed would be putting it lightly (trying to become a dancing queen proved very much futile).
In the meantime, gathering in the foyer of Carl Pollock Hall, a select group of individuals sent from each team stood impatiently for the next event – Leader Chase. It was a simple manhunt, and the targets were the leaders. Capturing a leader would net only one measly point, however, the frosh were allowed to challenge them double or nothing for an additional one point! The leaders were given a head start before the frosh were unleashed into the night. The Light Green Frosh, among his fellow teammates, searched the forsaken alleyways for an elusive leader. Much to their delight, they discovered one of the leaders lying inside a dumpster. The leader declared that his condition for coming with them was that they had to carry him all the way back to the foyer from the dumpster. After a back-breaking struggle (Somewhere along the way, somehow the team found themselves in a dogpile trying to hold the leader down), and after tying the shoelaces of the leader together to ensure that he wouldn’t escape, the team finally made it back to the foyer. They decided to take the point without challenging the leader, feeling extremely satisfied that they were able to capture at least one of the leaders.
The round of redemption for the Light Blue Frosh came when her team rallied a group of people to perform at EDCOM’s personal version of High School Musical. The teams all performed various songs and dances from the epic trilogy, but with a University twist (that the Light Blue team apparently failed to receive on Mount Olympus) and afterwards, critiqued and rewarded, if they found it worthy of praise. They saw enough talent in the Orange team in particular to the point that they named and marked the debut of the “Orange Sensations,” quoted by EDCOM as “sounding like a sundae.” Of course, no musical would be complete without one gigantic sing-along at the end, and Frosh did not disappoint.
The end of the scavenger hunt marked the conclusion of the engineering-specific events of Frosh Week. While other faculties merely hear the legends of the Engineering Frosh Weeks of yore, we had the honour of being part of the most fantastic events. Earning our bright yellow hardhats enlivened that dark stormy Tuesday, and the Junkyard Wars on Thursday certainly did arouse our ENGinuity. Beyond that, the cult-like meeting of the Tool could only be matched by the silly, yet extremely informative “Passage through the Polyverse.” Finally, the Orientation SCUNT definitely was an unforgettable night. No other faculty could even hope to compare to the spectacular week; however, in all fairness, none of them can really compare to the subsequent workload either. To look back on the week brings nothing but fond memories and smiles to many a Frosh, and the only real problem that anyone could name was that it ended far too soon.
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