Editor’s Note: This article is published in print as part of The Tin Soldier – a satirical and humorous insert published with the final issue of each university term. Articles that are part of The Tin Soldier are not meant to be taken literally or seriously.
Weather why you keep changing!?!? First the sun is shining, then it’s snowing, and then the next time you look outside a thunder storm is raging! We have been hit by snow, killer winds and brutal rains and like postmen delivering mail, we have trekked dutifully to class every single day, sometimes having to wait for our hands to defrost. Now the cold has disappeared. WHAT IS GOING ON? How could you hit us with so much heat so soon after being so lovely and cold? The most terrifying part of this abrupt turnabout in the weather is that the warmth has caused the geese to change their priorities from survival to mating, and we are going to be caught in the middle! Come rain, come sleet, come snow, they have been here and never gone away, silly geese. Maybe they are the reason the seasons seems to be interchanging. Of course it is. Let’s blame the geese, weird weather is obviously following them!
On the subject of the weirdly changing weather which is slowly hacking away at our immune systems why hasn’t it affected the geese? Shouldn’t some of them have frozen to death? Why do we see no goose carcasses? Where have all those dead geese gone? What sort of predator is eating them and more importantly, will it attack humans? Look, now you’re wondering about your safety. Becoming wary about taking a walk in goose infested areas are we? AAAAAAHHHHHH! They are coming for you! Joking, I’m sure we’ll all be fine. Let’s go back to the original topic, winter, or rather the lack thereof.
Winter never really settled down this year. It was restless and inconsistent. Now it would seem spring has finally decided to pay us a visit, cleared up the paths and watered the grass a little bit. It has been flirting with us all year causing everyone to desperately protest to international students that “Trust me, this is not a typical winter, we usually get snow, yes, sometimes even enough to go tobogganing.” If the weather was a human right now, it would be menopausal, temperamental and experiencing hot flashes. “Global warming?” Many would ask, “El Nino perhaps?” That doesn’t really explain why every day the weather has changed and keeps changing. Scumbag weather has decided to make Waterloo its location of preference for rapid changes, it’s hot and it’s cold, it’s wrong then it’s right. Will it ever actually make up its mind? Why?
But hey, we can ride our bikes and walk outside without coats, can’t we? I guess Waterloo is getting the soft side of the weather. No giant dumpings of snow at exam time or tornadoes or hurricanes. We’ve actually got it pretty good. Take some time, visit with your friends, and together you can avoid angering the grumpy geese. Travel in groups my friends! Traveling in groups can protect you from anything!!!!! Even our scumbag weather. Travel forth, good luck my friends!
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