Humour, Uncategorized

The Pros and Cons to Losing Bodyparts

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Accidents happen, that’s life. For those of us with inquisitive minds, accidents can happen more frequently than for others. Sometimes it is just a knock on the head but other times we end the day with a couple parts less than we started out with, parts that can or cannot be replaced but will never be the same again. Here are some common body parts that are lost through the course of our lives and the pros and cons to each;

An ear: Pros; you have joined the ranks of George Weasley in your saint-like holiness, get it? You are hole-y! Cons: The resemblance to Voldemort is more pronounced. In all seriousness the lack of ear seems to suggest that you have a real knack for injury. Time to step away from those explosive chemicals!

Teeth: Pros: It shows you are willing to jump in to any situation head first. The most likely causes of tooth loss are Pub related incidents, so your loss of teeth will identify you as a lover of good times. Cons: the structural integrity of your teeth has been compromised forever. Bring on the dental reconstructive surgery! Also your teeth stop matching over time, so much for that perfect smile!

Index finger (and other fingers too): Pros: All the cool people are missing a bit of a finger. Really, who needs all 10? Among those short at least part of a finger are Fellowship of the Ring’s Frodo Baggins, Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia and Star trek’s James Doohan (Scotty) and Black Sabbath’s Tony Iommi. Loosing fingers means you are out there tinkering. Tony Iommi even made himself prosthetics to keep playing his guitar! Cons: No pain, no gain! (Note: as cool as being fingerless is there is nothing to be gained from purposely severing a finger.)

A Foot: Pros: No more obligations to engage in serious exercise. Prosthetics have gotten really good so you can almost go about life like normal. Rolling an ankle seems less likely now. Cons: You are missing a foot. Those things are really helpful for getting around on, especially if you are on uneven terrain.

A leg: Pros: So you thought you had lost your chance to run a marathon. Think again! New prosthetics have broken from the traditional appearance to instead give you the ultimate comfort and mobility. It may not look like a leg but it has been designed to work just as well as one. So it may take a bit of getting used to but a marathon is not a far off possibility. Paraplegics are beating able bodied runners all over the place! Cons: That’s a pretty big chunk of yourself to lose. Waking up you may still think you have a leg.

Becoming wheelchair bound: Pros: You are already at Waterloo, and we probably like you. You are going to have the most tripped out wheelchair imaginable! Gadgets are kind of our thing so life may be slightly easier for you because of that, not to mention that Stephan Hawking now has quite a bit in common with you. Cons: Shit just got real. Life, during and after recovery, will be tough so how about we all keep ourselves safely in one whole functional piece?

We all know our lifestyles leave us in danger of injury and disfiguration. Be careful, stay safe, and remember that if you do lose a limb, it isn’t the end of the world, just the beginning of a slightly new one.

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