Hello all you beautiful faces
Are you feeling lonely in the world? Do want to meet a new friend of different (or similar) bodily components, but aren’t sure the best way to do it? Don’t worry because we can give you exactly what you want (in more than one way). We are the CBG, the guys who will make sure that you make the most of your engineering experience. Trust us for we are professionals in what we do (as attested by our clients from all around campus).
So how do you make these friends with the elusive species known as “Personiwanna sexitym” henceforth referred to as “Those People”? The first step is simple, meet them. “But how do you do that?” you may ask. Well, that is what the rest of this article is going to be about.
“Those People” are complicated creatures. They want friends with whom they can have a good time. In their mind, someone they can have a good time with is usually someone who shares similar interests with them. So the best way to make sure you have those similar interests is to watch them from far away. Observe everything they do for as long as you need to in order to understand everything they like and dislike and mimic when personality traits disagree.
This works on the psychological principle of “Reptilia In Eis”, delivered by our personally favorite psychologist of all time, Tom Cruise (Cruise et al, p69). So suppose you want to meet people at the most happening nightclub in the region (POETS), stare at them from afar for an extended period of time, and you will be on your way to making a new friend.
The next step, after you get a feel for what they like and don’t like, is to approach them quickly. Moving too slowly may make them aware that you had been watching them, and might frighten them. On the other hand, when you move quickly, they have no time to run away.
Say hi to them, making sure to use their first and last name in the introduction. If you happen to know about something in their life (it’s their birthday, they just got a job, their childhood pet passed away), this is the time to bring it up. This will make them feel like they should already know who you are, and will make them feel guilty for not knowing you. Once these feelings start flooding through them, it is your time to strike. CBG takeaway of the week: Guilting people is the #1 way to meet them.
So that is how you meet something new. Give it a try this weekend or when you are chilling around an engineering building. It also works well in meeting new people in computer labs or the library. For our next issue, we will be tackling the difficult task of how to ask someone out on a date, so stay tuned. If you have any questions, email us at cbg.advice@gmail.com.
Lots of love.
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