*PSYCHEDELIC DREAM SEQUENCE*
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This is the story of Goldilocks and Fiscal Responsibility. Once upon a time, there was a bonnie young lass named Goldilocks. She was sauntering through the woods on the way to her grandmother’s house when she happened upon a wee bluebird. His feathers were ruffled and Goldilocks, being of an inquisitive mind, asked him what was wrong. “My finances are a disgrace!” exclaimed the Bluebird, “I have been financially irresponsible, spending all my money on decorative shrubs and commemorative plates!”
“Oh no!” cried Goldilocks, “You should come with me on an adventure of economics!” The bluebird complied reluctantly and joined Goldilocks on her journey.
They continued to wander through the woods, when they happened upon a small cottage. Eager for a place to sit down and discuss financial matters, Goldilocks unlatched the back door and let herself in.
At this point, the author promptly ran out of ideas and the bluebird vanished in a puff of apathy. Goldilocks then began to rifle through the cottage’s drawers, when she happened upon a series of important financial documents. After investigating their contents, she realized that one of the residents of the cottage had poor management practices. They spent too much money and ended up in debt. However, further investigation revealed that another of the cottage’s inhabitants never spent any money. They kept all of their money in a shoebox under a bed and, due to inflation, it had lost value.
Dismayed by the residents’ lack of fiscal responsibility, she collapsed on the couch. She then noticed a thick envelope on the coffee table. Curious, she peeked inside.
“Gee whillikers!” she jubilantly proclaimed, “This is the most incredible financial document that I have ever seen!”
Inside the envelope was a set of documents labeled “Waterloo Engineering Society Finances”. Drafted by one “Marc Tan” and supported by “Mary Bland,” the reports within indicated a veritable “motherload” of excellent fiscal management. Intrigued, she started to read them:
“The ECIF met on Wednesday and we are presenting our allocations at tonight’s EngSoc meeting, so come out tonight to find out what is being allocated. Also council must ratify our proposal so definitely be there!
Coverall Day was a great success, selling 15 coveralls, which is amazing! I also finally got our society allotment after walking to FEDS and giving their VP Administration and Finance a ‘wonderful’ talk. So I can pay people again, like Mary! Anyways, thanks everyone for the last 16 months and I’d like to wish David Birnbaum good luck on his next 16 months as he’s going to need it. I also want to say good luck to all the new incoming exec; have a fun ride! I’m not applying for any directorships, so too bad, you won’t get to see my beautiful face organizing stuff anymore. Also thanks to my directors; you did what I couldn’t!
FINALLY GET YOUR RECIEPTS IN BEFORE EOT OR ELSE!!!!!!! (I won’t give you money back)”
Taken aback by the phenomenal work before her, Goldilocks beckoned her bluebird friend back from the ether, to show him the newfound example of economic excellence. “Oh, glorious financial management practices,” she cried, “I’M NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!”
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