So you’ve finally grown the courage to ask out that guy or girl you’ve been eyeing and totally not Facebook-stalking. After gentle prodding (i.e. begging and crying – just a little; got to play it cool after all), they said yes (why wouldn’t they?!). Unfortunately, you’ve spent so much time mastering the exciting world of engineering that your moves are lacking a little freshness. Well, rest assured, after learning these moves they’ll be calling you the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air in no time. So, Mr. or Ms. Sexypants, follow along with our guide of top first-date tips.
Show up in a sweet ride: Your ride sets the bar for the rest of the evening, so make it a good one! For those of you satisfied with being a B+, we recommend a limo or car service to keep you a notch above the cab-faring proles. But, for those of you who are truly ambitious, go big: we’re talking about a rickshaw! You can make it cheap by hiring a desperate frosh and convincing them it counts for a co-op credit!
Dress to impress: Anyone who’s heard an earful from CECS knows that dressing well makes or breaks a first impression. Some people suggest wearing a collared shirt and blazer but we know that you want to make the best possible impression. To this we say, what’s better than a three-piece Armani suit? Answer: two three-piece Armani suits, one over the other! Yes, your six-piece (more like sex-piece, am I right?!) suit will be sure to bedazzle when you mention, “Boy, oh boy, it sure is hot in here!” and remove one suit only to reveal another. For you ladies out there, this works just as well with layers of Prada and Chanel dresses. (Trainer tip: this move is super-effective if you pimp their ride at some point in the evening.)
Look important: An easy way to seem like a powerful and in-demand young person is to get your friends to call you at points throughout the evening so you can pull out your smartphone and say, “My ex again?? I told her a thousand times that I’m not interested in getting back together!” For the next call, try out, “I’m sorry Adel but those pictures you took on my mansion’s property were an unauthorized photo-shoot! Rules are rules!” Also be sure to use this gem, “Again Prime Minister Stephen Harper? Can’t you figure anything out yourself?!” (Note: this last line works better when a competent Prime Minister is in office.)
Play hard-to-get: At our core, we, as humans, are still animals and, as animals, we love the thrill of the hunt. So, guys and gals, be sure to suppress your eager beaverness and feign disinterest. Pretend to forget your date’s name! When they’re talking, interrupt them and fall asleep during a story (we’re sure your professors have trained you well in this craft).
Laugh at their jokes: At our core, we humans are cripplingly insecure. So, to make your date think that you’re great, laugh at all of his or her jokes even when they aren’t funny! Here are some jokes we have heard on dates that would be good practice for you to fake laugh at: “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!” “What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit? BANANANAAAAAA!”, “I’ll just have a salad, please.” and “…and that’s when the doctor told me the cancer was terminal.”
Be yourself: At the end of the day, you want to give a fair impression of who you are to this person and hopefully make a genuine connection. This is the foundation for long, happy and healthy relationships. If you manage to impress a date with a cheap trick or gimmick, they aren’t falling for the real you; the question you ask yourself is, “Is this person really someone in whom I’d be interested?” The person deserving of your affection is the person who appreciates you for you.
Study hard, Mr. or Ms. Engineer, and we guarantee* that you’ll snag a second date with the object of your admiration – that is, if they can unfall head-over-heels long enough to pick up that phone! By the way, Katy Perry’s cat is named Kitty Purry. Seriously. Isn’t that adorably awesome?!
*Not an actual guarantee. The success or failure of your romantic endeavours are in no way insured by The Iron Warrior.
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