Hello wonderful readers. This is my first article for The Iron Warrior, and I am very excited for what will surely be an exciting relationship between you, the reader, and myself, the writer, entrepreneur and marine spelaeologist. I have a variety of interests, ranging from fly fishing to bear chasing and all things in between. For the foreseeable future, I will be making it my goal to keep my ear on the pulse of the student body and discuss in a detailed, unbiased manner issues close to the hearts of the students of this fine University (see what I did there? hearts…pulse…pretty crafty I think).
Now some of you may be wondering how someone as busy as I, what, with all the speleologying I get up to, still have time to do all of this? Well, the answer is simple… But enough about me; I want to hear about you, so feel free to use the next 30-58 seconds to tell me a little bit about yourself. I’ll stop typing, so go right ahead.
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Well that was very interesting; it seems as though we have a lot in common, you and I. How exciting, but I digress.
As a respectable young student, I am faced with the occasional opportunity where breaking the law is just convenient. Now I’m not talking about stealing or assault, but a little jaywalking and speeding never hurt anyone. Yet the police are always sitting just around the corner, waiting for us to slip up (whether it’s a $300 ticket for watering a lawn or $65 for being overly hydrated in public). But if you’re like me and read [insert popular tabloid here], you’ll have heard about the blatant abuse of the justice system by the very people we worship: celebrities.
These are people so rich that when they drink too much, they can’t figure out whether or not they own the house they are standing in front of. When someone attempts to reason with them, they start punching everything in sight: cars, mailboxes, not even the grass is safe. A man’s chattel is one thing, but another living person is just unacceptable. Once the grass was laying still, he began yelling and shaking his wife in rage. This is hardly the behavior that I want my children (scary thought, I know) to be modeling as they grow up. As an Oscar winner and the greatest actor of all time, this is hardly appropriate.
“But don’t worry, the judicial system will correct his ways,” you might think to yourself. WELL AGAIN YOU HAVE BEEN STYMIED. Not a single charge was laid, and the case was dropped. Not even a fine for public uber-hydration. All because he won a shiny statue and is capable of making millions with his many differing facial expressions.
Now you may not agree with what I’ve said, but I don’t care. I still invite you to let me know so that I can mock you in my next column/tweet. You can email me any time at brockgraeme@gmail.com, or follow me on twitter at http://tinyurl.com/I-Digress.
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