Waterloo has a classic and easy to detect tradition of allotting their buildings generic names until an alumni of that faculty contributes a significant amount of money and is then rewarded with having a 40 year old building named after that. It’s a mildly popular tactic that is allowing for the ease of expansion of campus by simply numbering the new buildings as they pop up on the outside of Ring Road. Your classes in the fall will be located in Engineering 16 by the way, the monorail comes every 10 minutes.
With the opening of a new satellite campus in Stratford, Ontario; the administration has decided to take a completely new approach with the design and naming system of the entire campus. Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber hails originally from Stratford, and he has been recruited in the new rebranding and recruitment campaign for the satellite campus to help change the ‘nerdy’ and ‘uncool’ image that is often associated with the University amongst the younger demographic.
The Stratford campus is now being renamed The Bieber School for Little Boys and it will mainly focus on performing arts and the formation of boy bands that will release their music under Waterloo’s new record production name, Laser Records. Waterloo hopes to gain popularity amongst the younger, screaming pre-teen demographics as well as generate a metric crap-ton of cash. They have not announced any plans to utilize this money to help reduce tuition, and there are rumors of $1,000 Bieber-fees being attached to all student’s tuition to assist in the process of preventing the pre-teen sensation from going through puberty and losing all aspects of his marketability.
The administration also has plans to completely renovate the interior of the building so as to remove all sharp corners and edges as well as baby-proof all doors and electrical sockets. The Tin Soldier asked for a tour of the facility but were turned down as they could not find steel toes or a hard hat small enough for Bieber to attend as well. Applications for enrolment will be included in each CD case of Bieber’s next album, reported to release this summer.
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