Humour

New Waterloo Website to Blame for Increase in theft on Campus?

Note: This article is hosted here for archival purposes only. It does not necessarily represent the values of the Iron Warrior or Waterloo Engineering Society in the present day.

Last Monday, campus police announced an increase in the number of thefts have hit campus. The large majority of reported thefts consist of laptops and textbooks, but there are also cases of missing or stolen lab equipment such as multi-meters, pipettes, and larger ticket items like oscilloscopes and gas regulators. This is 0f course a concern to students, and campus police encourage students to not leave possessions unattended.

Asking a stranger to watch your stuff while you go to the washroom is discouraged by campus police as there is no guarantee your things or the stranger will be there when you return. The stranger sitting across the table from you is no less likely to steal your stuff than anyone else in DC. Campus police are currently conducting an investigative report and looking into increased security measures in high traffic areas. Preliminary reports indicate that larceny on campus have been increasing exponentially since the end of reading break.

My personal intuition is that this date coincides with the launch of the university’s new website. In big, bold, white lettering on the front page is the phase “Everything…at Waterloo belongs to you.” Confusion of our new slogan might have caused this sudden acceleration in crime. It is still too soon to tell but if my conclusions are correct the new website will go down the same route as our laser logo. Sarah Forgrave, project manager of the web redesign project, was unable to comment on this topic as of press time.

1 Comment

  1. I’d just check the new website and it’s cool! And there’s a lot of missing equipment on the laboratory. How come they can’t catch those who steal and thefts? I hope it has a successful investigation.

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